Navigating Discard from the Narcissist and New Supply: Empath Healing after Narcissistic Abuse
"If I'm going to be in the world outside of my home, a single woman, maybe I should just really be single" - Page 125 Empath & Narcissist book
Today we discuss the complex journey of healing and recovering from narcissistic abuse and the discard. Today's episode, we'll be diving into this particularly challenging phase of the discard of a narcissist and their rapid involvement with a new lover.
Here are some key moments:
- I understand the pain, confusion, and emotional turmoil you may be experiencing.
- Akashic Record Reader: @hellooo_jacqueline
- Practices to Heal from discard
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Outro: Believe by Neffex
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Empath & Narcissist Spiritual Healing Book
Empath & Narcissist Healing Book
a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I'm empowering empaths in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse childhood trauma through human design self-care mindfulness advice and expert interviews Subscribe now This is season five
navigating the Discard empath, healing from narcissistic abuse.
Dear Universe, I can't stop crying today. Why am I so sad on my birthday? Is because it's magnifying the fact that I know I am not treated as I deserve by my husband. I received love and birthday wishes from everyone in my life and in my family, even from Lance, , but just saying nothing else.
And all the other days feeling alone and unloved doesn't cut it. A wish with words without presence, flowers, a kiss, a hug, or anything romantic in the slightest is not how I deserve to be treated by my husband. I guess I am really struggling, even though I put on a good face, if I'm being honest with myself.
I dream of a man who loves to caress me, hold me, kiss me, and isn't ashamed to be with me, socializing with the friends and family. Even if he is in a different mindset than them, I care for those people. Therefore, he should put his best effort to set aside his ego and try and be there with me and make memories with others that are important in my life.
I'm tired of feeling like a single woman to the rest of the world, and I'm stuck in a committed relationship at home. I should be enjoying my freedoms as a single woman without the responsibilities of a man child at home isolating himself. Every time I try to share my feelings, he discounts my feelings, and I am not heard.
How do I fix this? I hate my birthday. There's always pain. I haven't had a happy, blissful birthday since my teens. It's my fault. My expectations are low, and I guess I feel guilty. They are too exaggerated and from a romance novel that they are not based in reality. But he doesn't care to want to know what I need.
If I'm going to be in the world outside of my home, a single woman, maybe I should just really be single. A journal entry of mine from when I was with my narcissist. And this is in my book on page 1 25.
Well, welcome dear Empaths to a safe space here in this podcast where we can discuss and heal from the complex journey of recovering from narcissistic abuse and the discard. Today's episode, we'll be diving into this particularly challenging phase of the discard of a narcissist and their rapid involvement with a new lover.
We understand the pain, confusion, and emotional turmoil you may be experiencing. I understand the pain, confusion, and emotional turmoil you may be experiencing. And I aim to provide support, hope, guidance, and insights to help you navigate this difficult chapter in your healing process. The narcissist can discard you while you're in the relationship, when they are punishing you or giving you the silent treatment because you've triggered them or made them dissatisfied.
And they also can discard you. When everyone's finally done with the relationship, they're done. They've found someone new. They're done with your arguing or your challenging of how they should treat you. And so after the breakup, there are others another phase of discard where they move on quickly and they rebound into another relationship.
I remember also feeling like I rebounded, but I wasn't trying to rebound. I did meet my current husband two weeks after I left because I felt like the relationship was dead. I was finally free, and I felt so invigorated with new life again. And maybe that's how they feel. Maybe not. I have no idea. I can't speak for the narcissist, but I do know that they always need someone paying attention to them.
Stroking their ego and taking care of them because they are man childs poor woman childs. And so they can never be by themselves alone. So let's start to understand that the narcissistic discard, and then I'll dive into a little bit of more what was revealed to me, years later after I left my narcissist.
He too moved on quickly, but I guess I didn't really care cuz I had moved on quickly as well. But when you're not moved on quickly and you're still holding onto that relationship, you know, I had held on for so long year after year, and then once he hit me and then he tried to cheat on me with my sister, I guess I was completely done with that relationship.
I wasn't holding on to any more hope. So when he moved on in that next relationship, I guess I didn't care. But that's not always the case. You know, like they're still trying to, what we call Hoover, you back in, still trying to woo you into their sphere and win you back because you're comfortable, you put up with them.
You always stayed when they abused you. So those people are hard to come by in this world. And so they want the easy, warm market of getting you back in. And at the same time they are with another relationship. We're trying to develop a new relationship and quickly rebound. And all of this is emotionally devastating.
The narcissist discard is one of the most devastating aspects of the abusive relationship. First of all, when you're in it and they're loving you, but then it's like such a conditional love. They love you, you're, you know, you're having a laugh, a good time, and then all of a sudden you say something wrong.
And now you're discarded. Now you're nothing. Or you don't act properly. Like for me, in the bedroom now a vacation's revoked. Now you're, you know, nothing, you're stupid. You know you're not worthy. Like it's not gonna be fun anyway, so why go on the vacation cuz you're not fun, right? It's just a punishment.
So let's get into the dynamics behind this discard phase. The motivations of the narcissist and the impact it has on us and paths. I think we can all agree that it's a negative impact, and by gaining a deeper understanding of this pattern, you can begin to reclaim your power back. Know that the problem is not you and rebuild your life.
So the unveiling of the quick rebound relationship, boy, do they move on quickly. Mine did as well. You know what's so funny? As I was trying to do the math just recently, my exes. I guess new supply reached out to me just to kind of find some footing and grounding because he had discarded her after 12 years and she was telling me the timeline about, oh, you know, he, after 12 years and all this I've put into the relationship, I can't believe that he just like discarded me after everything I supported him through.
And I thought, wow, yeah, sounds very familiar. But then I thought, wait a second. 12 years, like I'm calculating this out. It's been 12 years since I left him. So are you saying like, you met while we were still together? Did you meet right after? And, and it, it's at the point it's like I don't wanna delve into the details because I just don't wanna know, like whatever.
I'm just gonna assume that he was already in his mind. Thinking about courting her or making friends with her, knowing that we'll let, if our relationship goes and sinks like a burning boat, which it was already, we all saw the signs, then I'm, I'm gonna go to her. Right? It's like they plan and they plot all of these things, and so, That was very quick and I could have felt really upset about it, but I kind of did not care.
And the universe brought me my beautiful soulmate two weeks after. So I was like, I'm fine. I don't care either. But I highly don't recommend bouncing from one relationship to the next. You really need time on your own to heal in your own space with your therapist. I mean, I did get a therapist as well.
But it was rough. It was a rough road in our relationship While I'm healing because I would accuse him. Of also being a narcissist when he may have been in his ego, and I may have been in my ego and I may have been triggered. So it was just like normal relationship conflicts of me trying to build trust back again in a relationship.
While being in a relationship is extremely, extremely difficult. It is not for the faint of heart, and only by, I feel like these multiple life theory, like him being my soulmate is the only reason that. I feel like we have stuck it out in our relationship and we have come to a really healthy place. I just had Akasha record reading by Jacqueline.
You can email me or I can put her link in the show notes. She's amazing and the Akasha record reading stated that he, it confirmed that he is my soulmate and it actually confirmed that in a past life, many past lives ago, he committed to always take care of me. Forever. And it was really interesting cuz the guide said, be careful about what you promised in one life, cuz you may be karmically stuck to it for many, many lives to come.
And that's kind of his karma is he is here, he's always gonna look out for me and take care of me, my current soulmate partner. So anyways, I feel like I'm justifying like getting together with him so quickly, but you never know, right? You never know. As long as you're cautious, you're being careful as you move forward, , testing the red flags, the green flags, testing the tenacity, and knowing that you can always be alone if you need to, right?
Not depending on them not being codependent. So moving on very quickly is part of the narcissist. We, like guess their emotional insecurity and immaturity. They, they are codependent just as you may have been, dear empath, but on the dark side and they're codependent. So they have to have somebody else to give them attention, to enable them, to give them supply, to make them feel secure.
Because when you're by yourself, we do tend to do a lot of maybe reading introspection. Things like that, you know? And if you have someone with you taking care of you, you don't have to do those things. You're kind of like in the external world set. But there, we all know, there's so much more work that needs to be done inside.
So the purpose that it serves for the narcissist to quickly move on to the supply, it's not because they didn't. Love you. Like we, our ego kind of takes it personally. Like, oh my gosh, they moved on so quickly. Like they, I guess they didn't love me, and I already kind of came to that conclusion just because of the fact that he never really had empathy for me.
He didn't listen to me, he didn't hold space for my emotions. So in that regard, that's where I got the conclusion that he didn't love me, but. Sometimes we are still so blinded by their love bombing and the good times that we don't really look at the real evidence of the bad times. When someone who really loves you in the bad times, they may stop talking to you for a minute because they don't wanna hurt you intensely.
But they'll always come back and apologize and have a conversation and be like, yeah, I'm so sorry. I lost my cool back there. I just get really upset when da, da, da, da, da. And it's like nothing against you, but with a narcissist, that's not how it is. It is always the blame is put on you. They will always deflect and not reflect and you know, discard your emotions.
So that feeling of like, ah, they didn't love me. Now they're just off to some other human to get their new supply. Or they, they love her and look how they look. So happy on social media. Oh my God, like I'm so miserable over here by myself, discarded all of a sudden. By the narcissist, and I would challenge the mindset of your ego thinking it was all of a sudden, because there, there were breadcrumbs, there were signs that you chose to miss all along the way of them discarding you.
It being, they're dismissing your feelings. It being, they're punishing you when you didn't please them. It being that they gave you the si silent treatment for longer than a few hours, like a day or two. , so the breadcrumbs were there, the signs were there, the red flags we call them in this arena. They were there, but we chose to or desire to. Or subconsciously ignored them, whatever the case may be, or they felt normal because that's not knowing is normal to us. We maybe we were raised by a narcissist, and so all this kind of wakens us up.
Like, oh my gosh, I've been discarded. Like, who am I? What just happened? How did this happen? And why? And that's like your wake up call. And instead of pining and basing your value off of if someone loved you or not, Really introspect and say, you know what? That really isn't their problem. If they're moving on so quickly, that has nothing to do with me.
That doesn't mean that I'm a bad person that has everything to do with their emotional maturity or immaturity because you, although you may be sitting here in agony and pain, are not looking to go find someone else. I mean, you probably in the back of your head are thinking, well, it would be a lot easier if I could just go to the bar and find someone quick to just like relieve the pain.
And that's really what they're doing. Like what you are in the back of your head, like shadowy ego is thinking that's what they're actively doing. Whereas you will pause and be like, yeah, but that's not right. Like, I really don't need that anymore. I don't need anybody in my life right now. I just need to heal.
I just need to figure out what happened. I just need to take a pause. And that is your intuition telling you the right thing. So trust that. Don't trust social media. Don't trust the lies. Don't trust the fake happiness. You of all people know what goes behind closed doors. After they've taken that picture, you know?
And so when you get to that point, you feel pain for the new supply, you feel sorry and you're like, oh girl, like anytime you need to reach out, I'm here. Cuz I feel your pain. Like you, you are preempting feeling the pain. And . I know some of you have actually maybe reached out to the new supply or somehow gotten into contact and tried to warn them.
Which is all about timing in the world, right? In the beginning of the phase of that romantic partnership with a narcissist, you forget cuz you've been in such the crap mode for so long, you forget how blissful it is, how much that they glaze over, and they don't really start the abuse until they're hooked in.
And so if it's at the very beginning, the new supply. Is gonna attack you because that's what the narcissist has told them. My acts is such a narcissistic bitch, da da da da da. And so they're gonna see your warning as an attack because this is what the narcissist does. And so yes, you probably have had a backlash and unpleasant conversations when you're just trying to be helpful and warn them.
And again, to say to that is, You know, whenever, whenever you need to reach out, I'm here. You know, just in your head know that every part person has their own path to take and it and their own timing to wake up to the reality. And we all know the phases of a narcissistic, abusive relationship. So the process of this emotional, I think processing this emotional aftermath is really dis difficult.
You know, you experience the discard, you're witnessing what's happening on social media, and of course they're doing a purpose, right? And they're telling their new supply, like, post this, post that. Cuz they know it's a strategy to get back at you. Tag me, da, da, da, whatever. And it's really triggering to watch.
So here's where we implement our emotional healthy boundaries. Unfriend your ex, unfriend, the new supply block, the numbers. There's no need to be contact. They do not need to be in your sphere of influence whatsoever. Start searching on your, you know, algorithm. Different things that make you happy, like nature and puppies and animals and all these things.
And it'll start to come up in your feed rather than, Whatever's reminding you of your ex and what's been in your feed. And of course if you still need more education about narcissism, search on narcissism or empath healing, things like that, I'm human design if that's really what you're wanting to learn about yourself and your energetic blueprint.
Right? So there's different ways to navigate the social media and know that the algorithm will work for you if you search the right things. It's not like some magical robot like you can control. The social media, the algorithm, what you see and what you watch. And so that will help you a bit with your roller coaster of the emotional roller coaster of feeling like you've been betrayed, abandoned, and of course, self-doubt, because they're always gonna have that little voice inside your head that they've been talking about.
You know, you always having a self-doubt in your head, like, see, you're going crazy. You know? Oh, I can't believe you always do this. All of these little. Tiny cutting down remarks to make you need them and to make you feel like you are lesser of a person. Those you now need to retrain out of your brain.
You need to erase those outta your brain, and that takes a while because they've been delved and kind of rooted into your subconscious. So focusing on your self-healing is imperative. Focusing on rewriting your narrative about yourself. Gaining more mantras and affirmations to say to yourself in the mirror to yourself as you walk doing meditations, to be able to rewire your nervous system and your amygdala calming it down, removing the stress, and I see PTs D healing yourself through journaling and burning rituals that we do every full moon here in the Empath Healing community.
Self-reflection. Even if you wanna dive into tarot cards, setting healthy boundaries, all of these things are going to help you. The Wholeo Prayer is gonna help you start to cleanse out all of the negative narratives that they've planted in your brain, clear it all out, clean it out, and give yourself loving compassion to be able to move forward and heal and gain your power back.
And so by redirecting your focus from. Oh my God. Like they hate me. They love this other person. They discarded me. What am I gonna do? Right? That's all outward focus. Redirect your focus inward. Your soul is inside you. Your power is inside you. Your love is inside you. Your, paying attention to yourself and your bright light shining.
That's all inside and you can start to rebuild that. You can start to rebuild your self-esteem, reclaim your narrative. Your new identity that the human design chart can help reveal to you what your accurate energetic blueprint identity is, which I'm sure is completely different narrative from the world, maybe even your parents.
All well meaning and the narcissist has told you. So cultivating all of that growth and change and knowledge is key for you to have a peaceful and powerful future. And like I said, rebuilding your trust and love is all a single pathway. A solitary journey of knowing how to trust your intuition is by going in to yourself like all those different exercises I told you.
Listening to your intuition and knowing this is my truth. This is my truth. I trust my intuition, therefore, I distrust all of the lies that you're telling me right now, or that I'm witnessing you do right now in the world. That's all bs. I don't trust that, but I do trust myself, my intuition, my love and my truth, and the narcissistic abuse.
It does have deep scars. I'm not gonna deny that. It does leave deep scars, making it very difficult to trust and love again, but. With all of the different exercises, the meditations that I host, the the journal that's really very potent, that journaling and releasing with the full moon is very powerful.
Don't hold it in, get it out, release it. Setting your healthy boundaries, mainly because you realize like that you're worth it. And now like you can say no and you don't care what other people say about your nose if they value you. They're gonna respect your nose. If they don't value you, and they're just self-centered, they're not gonna respect your nose.
So then you start to see life as an experiment. Like, okay, is this person have my best interest in me? Let's test it. Let's say no to this invitation, or whatever they wanna do or say to me. And let's see how they react. And if it is negative and they don't respect it, then you're, you know, that that person now is moved from your inner circle, your inner sphere, and moved out to the outside of that circle or maybe altogether out.
And just viewing life as an experiment is really where I found myself out here, on this other side of that dark abyss where I swear you guys, it's really true. I felt like no one else would love me. I thought I was just gonna die in lonely old ha with cats. And I was like, that's fine. I, I'm done putting up with this bullshit from this guy.
So if that's my new future, I'll take it cuz this sucks. And I did. I just surrendered to the fact that the worst case scenario might happen. And on the contrary, the best case scenario happened. I met my soulmate. We have two beautiful children. It's just been an amazingly healing journey to be able to reclaim.
Who I am. And yes, it's been hard. It's been a bumpy road with lots of people that I thought were on my inner circle now are on the outer circle, but it's all for the better and you'll feel a lot better. And once you can start to pick and choose your inner circle, maybe that's a whole new family you choose.
And it is really funny. I'll just close with this is. I have Scorpio in my third house, which is like house of siblings and close friends and like yeah, like close neighbors, close friends. And so my sister, she is a sun sign, Scorpio, and I thought, oh, I lost that relationship. She's on the outer circle. Like, but then the universe brought me two other really healthy Scorpios into my life and I was like, oh my gosh, like this is my third house.
This is meant to be. It's just finding the healthy. Ego of people, no sin is bad and the universe will bring you twofold. What you have let go of. So as empaths healing from narcissistic abuse. In conclusion, I do hear that the discard and the narcissist rapid movement to a new lover, the new supply, it can be excruciating experience, but I bring you hope.
That it can be the most wonderful freeing experiences too, cuz now they're not trying to hoover you and they're not focused on you, they're focused on someone else. So you can now heal yourself, emerge and become your own person on your own journey away from them. And it really is a truly a gift when you shift your angle and perspective and come out on the other side.
So remember, healing takes time. But you have the strength, you have the tools through me, through the coaching, through your human design chart, then through this podcast,
and that is what I'll leave you with. Your transformation is in your hands.