Why Empathy is your Superpower Not Your Shortcoming when Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

45. Why Empath is your Superpower Not Your Shortcoming

===

[: 00:00:00

a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I'm empowering empaths three times a week in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse, childhood trauma through human design, self-care, mindfulness advice, and expert interviews. This is your Saturday bonus Barker reminder. Or you might say love letter. I sent out. Every Saturday to the community directly to your inbox, a inspirational letter. A healing, maybe type musing. I'll call it. On what I've been learning and what I've been receiving from my higher self.

And from my experiences. So I wanted to share with you a preview of what you would receive when you join our community. And this one is dated back in November. I sent it out. And it is titled why empathy is your superpower, not your shortcoming.

Empathy is your super power. It's what makes us human. But empathy. Isn't just about being nice. It's also about understanding others' feelings.

Empathy is an important part of our social lives. We need to understand other people in order to connect with them. But sometimes we're too quick to judge someone else's actions. Or too quick to justify someone else's actions. , it's something we all have and should work on developing. Now I know you're going to say Nope, the narcissist doesn't have empathy.

Well, they did before they experienced their conditioning in childhood. However, they didn't really have a lot of good examples too, of showing empathy, just like we may on the other spectrum of being too eager to justify and giving too many people the benefit of the doubt. Just letting things go that are microaggressions.

That also is not a good example. But at least when you're on that side, you can then toughen up and say, Hey. I'm not going to put up with that anymore. And on the flip side. If truly if the narcissist wishes to change and maybe it's more of the toxic people in the world and not the true NPDS, but still, I believe they have a soul.

They can work on their empathy also. It's just, it's rewiring the brain. It is reconditioning yourself. And if you think about it, there are two sides to every story. You might not agree with how someone else feels. But you still care about them and that's why empathy is so powerful. It helps us relate to each other better.

We all have empathy just as Steven shared in his episode in season four. Episode 111. On this podcast. We're all in paths at some level, he says, the problem is. Is that most people aren't conscious of it. And so that if I'm not conscious that I'm feeling somebody else's feelings and you think they're your own.

Now I'm feeling a feeling that I think is my feeling. But it's not my feeling. It's theirs. And so now I've got this charge in my body. This emotion in my body. And the mind then has to make meaning of that emotion in my body, because that's what it's designed to do. And it filters through your lens of pain or trauma.

And you conclude, well, I guess I'm the problem. End quote. Stephen was such a brilliant gas. You definitely have to scroll down and find episode one 11, how to heal trauma through shadow work. And this reminds me of that certain open centers in your human design chart that. Are amplifying if unconscious, and even when you are a conscious.

They're amplifying other people's emotions. For example, the solar plexus. You can also amplify through the spleen fears and like survival type anxiety, but you can also amplify anxiety through the solar plexus, the emotion center. And when you have these white. And you're not conscious. That is exactly what you're doing. You are amplifying, you are magnifying and you are actually feeling.

And soaking in like a sponge, the other person's emotions. Andy. I have this. So I can just tell you, in first person you can become conscious of this. Then you can guard your energy and be able to rewire your mind and say, okay, I feel uncomfortable right now. But it's not mine. It's theirs and I can't control.

Them right. You can only control yourself. So therefore what I'm going to do. As I'm going to go to my happy place. I'm gonna cleanse out their emotions for my body. And I'm going to say, that's their problem. Not mine. And when you do that, you're not lacking empathy. You're actually being able to put up.

Uh, nice shield. And say, now that I know that this emotion is not mine. I can actually be present and hold space for you. And be able to sit with you and just say, I understand, I know. And that, especially with children that kind of really calm them down quickly and be like, oh my gosh, I'm seen and heard. And she knows what I'm feeling.

And now I don't need to panic because I know at least someone gets it right. And then you can let the wave of the emotion because emotions are waves. Emotions are visitors and every single human adult or child. And , they ebb and flow that come and go. And you can ride the wave and then be able to have a really beautiful conversation about acknowledging, , when this happened, this may me feel, and you can say, yeah, I know that makes you feel that let's find some healthy ways that you can then, , change how you react next time or change how you are feeling.

And maybe in that conversation with a partner who is willing and open. To work through your difficulties. So, yeah. When you said that, that really made me feel hurt. And it reminded me of back when my mom used to say that and reminded me of my trigger, and you can have these conversations and hold space for each other's traumas and triggers.

And this is the way that we can unite as couples and become conscious and move forward to mend and heal ourselves. Which then heals the generations to come. And of course, this is not possible with NPD. I am. Just sharing with you. My experience with my healthy partner, whom we still had bumps in the roads because we all have traumas and triggers.

We all have our ego mind still at play. So within yourself, within your healthy new relationships, you're developing this as possible, and this is the way to do it. I'm going back to reading the email. Sorry. I went on a nice tangent there. Some of you have felt tremendous pain and the narcissist has used your impath abilities as a weapon against you.

I can relate dear empath. And you harden your heart and want to turn it off. The trick is to install your empath or a shield. So that the negative energy does not enter. And you can still shine, love and empathy out while exercising wise, discernment. You can practice the guided impact or a protection meditation with me.

It's free. In the .

how to draw powerful boundaries workshop. I believe I also put it in the 10 day challenge that you receive when you sign up to the newsletter and, um, get that. Uh, full access to that. It's a beautiful page on my website. And in fact research shows that people who feel more empathy towards others.

Tend to make healthier choices. They're less likely to smoke, drink alcohol or use drugs because you are using healthy coping mechanisms versus toxic mechanisms. Now I would say they didn't research. Empass dealing with narcissists because when my empathy was turned on and I was subconsciously always feeling that anxiety from the narcissist.

I did drink alcohol. So I'm pretty sure the study wasn't with people dealing with narcissist, but. The thing is, is that when you can free yourself from the narcissist and then tap into your empathy and the helping others and being there and putting up your shield. Then you can have the ability to be happy and more free exercise regularly. Take care of yourself.

With all the self-love. And as impasse dealing with narcissists, be aware and use your intuition to help, to know when it is time to cut off the empathy. I mean, they're always playing the victim. So I would say. Like have that. This is the tricky part, and this is why I wanted to share it because when you're with the narcissist, you have to cut off your empathy.

Because they're using it, they're abusing it and you have to draw hard boundaries. And typically, ultimately you need to remove yourself from their aura and leave, go, no contact, because all they're going to do is use an abuse and drain you like a vampire and turn your empathy against you and then make you feel like you are the narcissist.

So once you're out though. This is when you have to not, then you can apply. Softening your walls back down and, , getting back into a relationship with a real person, which I know it takes time and trust. It takes just little baby steps towards trusting yourself again.

So how do we develop empathy? I mean, we're all empath, so I think we have it. So how do we get back into empathy after having such a big wall up? And the one way is through practice. We learn by doing, and when we see other people making mistakes, we can try to understand why they made mistakes. And this helps us empathize with them.

I mean for you, super empath, getting muddled in others' emotions, thinking it's your own is definitely not the way to go. The first step is awareness. Is this my emotion or not? Do I have an open solar plexus or do I have a defined now? If yours is open, you're amplifying others emotions. So more than likely that emotion is not your own.

You'll have your own emotions. But if you're amongst somebody who is very dramatic, Chances are, it's not your emotion. And then also you're the, if you have your solar plexus defined. You have this consistent wave of emotion. So even though you may be feeling anxious, And it's coming from within. , it's driving the bus and it's not your higher self's state of peace. Right? So this is a wave. This is something that comes and goes, and it can be your emotion for sure, because it's defined within.

But is it coming from. Your thoughts that are unconscious, that are in a negative state. Is it really, truly your higher selves? , Emotion about it. If that makes sense, is that your ego's emotion? Like who's driving the emotion cycle. The ego or your higher self. So pause and identify. , is this really true, especially for you to find, you can get to a point where you're just catastrophizing everything in your down cycle.

, doing the work of Katie Byron, is this true? Is this really true? Let me wait this out and see in the calm and ask yourself that again, is this true? Is this really, really true?

It is foreign. If it came out of nowhere, if you have the open solar plexus. And it doesn't correlate, but if you're with that particular person all the time, it starts to feel like your own because it's not foreign. It is. Something you're consistently amplifying. The second step is intention. Set an intention of put up your empath or a shield every morning.

Every outing. And you can close your eyes and envision it going up. You can say out loud shield up and you are set to be a screen as an empath rather than a sponge. The last step is strengthening your intuition. In order to know which emotions are truly yours, it takes self-awareness. And so Fornace comes from mindfulness practices.

These practices could be meditation walking in nature. Tarot card reading journaling. I mean just plain quiet time with some really soothing music. Listen to yourself and your higher selves thoughts. Those will guide you correctly. And again, tapping into your inner authority in your human design. So in conclusion,

Empathy is your superpower. It's how you relate to others, but empathy isn't about people pleasing. It is about understanding. You are feeling others, feelings, discernment, and shielding yourself from negative toxic narcissists. And if you want to learn more about this and how to rewire recondition yourself and embrace your impact super powers through your passions. And you definitely want to tune in if you missed it. Last Sunday, I spoke with Sherisse.

and that was the title was how to embrace your empath superpowers last Sunday. So it's super easy to scroll and listen to it, to catch up. And or if you want to listen to it again, because I mean, I, when I was editing it, you guys, I was like enthralled by our conversation. And typically I love all the conversations and I get through and I edit them. But this one, I just, I had a whole page of notes on this conversation with Shariece.

She just is such a bright light of empowerment. So definitely tune in and listen to that the first time or the second time. Or third, it's not going to hurt at all. Right. It's going to empower you and it's going to rewire those neurons in your brain.

I will close out by reminding you that self-love after abuse looks like. Going out without a full face of makeup. Taking yourself out to a delicious meal. Cuddling a pet. No yourself intimately. And celebrate yourself and do what lights you up. No matter if anyone else wants to join or cares. Because it's for you.

All right. I can't wait to share tomorrow on the podcast.

They are a power, couple bill and Kristin miles.

And they're divorced coaches who helped mothers through divorce? They are also the founders of best self magazine, who they have interviewed huge names like Danielle LaPorte. And Lewis Howes. And I asked them about that and what their favorite. Topics and the quotes were from those amazing authors are amazing influencers. And we're going to be talking about five ways to support your children through divorce. With a narcissist, we get really into the deep nitty gritty, how to help our children, especially the teens who are dealing with mental disorders themselves because of the narcissist and how to support them. And. How to deal with that and go through that so it's going to be amazing conversation you definitely don't want to miss it

[: 00:16:18

And remember, always key. You're you unique, light shining.

Losing time, I'll fade in fast. I just wanna make it last. Try to let go of the past. I close my eyes. Embrace the blast. Sleepless nights and headache stuff, restlessness to hell and back. What's my purpose? But do I grab a slippery resu surface, a heart attack? Sometimes you just gotta something that'll give you relief.

What we're broken. It's tragic. We're not all elastic, but maybe there's magic. Believe you could.