Understanding the Impact of Sex Addiction and Narcissism: The Story of The Human Trafficker's Wife

17. E&N Understanding.. Amanda Quick

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subscribe now.

This is season five

Episode 17.

Understanding the impact of addiction and. Narcissism. The story of the human traffickers wife.

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Her husband, the man, she. The father of her children was a criminal, and when it all came down, she was left holding the pieces. Read the true, shocking story in the Sex Trafficks Wife, A story of truth, faith, and trust in self. Her messages. The only person who can change your life is you. Every single person has the power to choose differently.

Are you ready? Grab your copy on Amazon today.

Just reminder. This podcast is for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for professional help.

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At your convenience, finding a therapist is. Just fill out the questionnaire to help assess your specific needs, and then you get matched with a therapist in under 48 hours, everything you share is completely confidential in therapy. Join the 3 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced better help therapist.

Get 10% off your first month at better H e l p.com/e M P A T H. The link is in the show notes.

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. Addiction can cause immense amounts of suffering and measurable pain and unbearable heartache. But healing is possible. Discover the powerful story of recovery from addiction and narcissism through the human traffickers wife, our guest, Amanda. She's an author, mother to three boys.

Wife. A quantum energy healer and coach. Speaker and spiritual channel.

Her story is so powerful to open our eyes and understanding the impact. Of porn. And sex addiction in the narcissist. And she will be sharing with us. How to heal from the consequences of their. Their actions. And protect your children. This year. The year of the rabbit does have a clash in it as shared by Jillian.

ishing. We'll be prominent in: 2023

Also heal as a collective. So. Just as my own personal note, teach your children young about the internet. Net stockers. They are on roadblocks. There are children who have been kidnapped because of a friend they met on roadblocks. They're on YouTube. Our little ones. Or on the internet, they. We were born with the internet, so we need to prepare them and teach them that there are predators.

Cutters. Not everyone is nice. And just like when you go to the mall, You don't have them go up and say hi to a a random stranger says. Hey, can you help me with a puppy or, let me take , Say hello. Thank you. Don't. Don't allow strangers, just talk to them and say hello in person. And it needs to be the same.

I'm on the internet. So that's just my personal.

opinion and disclaimer, and just education about this. We can't. Keep our heads in the sand. We need to prepare them. So tell him not. To make friends online, especially through games. Tell them it's not okay to let anyone. Guilt them or bully them into sending pictures of themselves. Which is how it all starts. There's so much happening.

Just in the own home. Without even being kidnapped or being pulled into. To the physical realm. , Pornography is through pictures. The internet, all they need is a picture and everyone can take a picture with her iPad or phone. And children get . Coaxed into it by these expert, scammers and expert predators.

So of course, number one, they don't make friends with any random strangers on the. Internet that's number one rule. And obviously number two is don't. Send them anything. Don't send them pictures. Pictures and stuff. So this is the first step in that shaming. Of hiding the secrets that leads to other devious offenses, right? These kinds of pictures and talking.

Talking to a stranger online and then. That enters into the. The physical realm and that sexual earning. And i know there's so many other factors like again human trafficking is literally from kidnapping and also it can be done by somebody in your own family that you trust just like Sexual abuse and emotional abuse this is how. how it all starts So empowering our youth to know. The signs To understand that there are predators This is what's really important So let's follow amanda's journey today as she dealt with the unbearable heartache while learning how to find hope forgiveness and ultimately freedom And power to write her book So let's listen into this conversation today

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Absolutely keep everything safe. Just share with whatever's important for people to glean a lesson from.

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My youngest was one. I'm still nursing. My oldest is almost six. And my whole life revolved around my kids. And I was, , the homemaker type, and that, that was my entire life. And I had absolutely no idea what was going on. It

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He was on his way home from, from his mom's house, actually after work. And then he didn't come home and I didn't find him till about five o'clock in the morning when dispatch transferred me to the jail. When I was like, can I file a missing person's report? He didn't come home.

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And it was very much in my head my responsibility to fix that and to support him so that he was better so that the kids had their father. and so I didn't even see another option. It wasn't like I sat there and weighed my options. I, I literally just operated from trauma and from a shock perspective, I was, I was on complete fight or flight, and all I could do was the only thing I could think to do, which was to support him through the criminal hearing.

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interact with them that you're also

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Like where was

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It was like there was literally ghosts in the relationship and I couldn't, I was coming home from work and drinking a half a bottle of wine before I could even look at him. . I was having a very hard time, and so I realized I couldn't stay married to him anymore. But I also took a massive burden on that saying I was now choosing to leave.

I was breaking the family up. This was my fault now, and he exasperated that of course, and I actually started to date a coworker because I, , that's what I found myself attracted to doing, and in a lot of ways it was very healing because it was somebody. Wasn't connected to all of this and who could see me in four, I was, and see me as more than just a mom and a wife and doing all of that.

And after that ended, he tried to get back together with me and I was not interested and I was still very, Nope, we're gonna just try to figure out how we can be civil for the children. He filed for divorce, he filed for divorce to try to manipulate me. Essentially he was, he thought if he filed for divorce, I would come back.

and that really started the downward spiral of his mental health. Now, it wasn't good to begin with, but the fur, the less I supported him, the more I became the problem. And the more he went on attack of me, the more that he started to alienate the children against me. And the more I saw how really deviant his behavior was.

But truly, it wasn't until I saw my own children being groomed that I actually got.

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fact I supported him in the criminal trial, it was, I now had to prove that he was dangerous today to these children.

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, that's the belief.

And that's the, the Supreme Court of Colorado's opinion. And so it was, it was completely irrelevant. It was, we were looking at 50 50 for a long time,

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Right. , that thing where I'd.

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And he knew that I was the one who wouldn't forgive them. And so I was the one who left and it was, and I had to be very careful with the convers.

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Blackmail the children, they guilt the children. They become the victim and they make you the healthy parent, be the one who is the bad parent. Right? The bad person. And this happens in so many different instances.

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back.

We will be right back after this break.

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I've included 20 plus healing resources such as guided meditations, exercises, and journal prompts to heal and to understand your human design and some astrology concepts as. You can buy your copy of my book, EMBA and the Narcissist, how to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse and Recover from P T S D Codependency, gaslighting Manipulation, and learn how to live your true Self with Human Design 1 0 1 on Amazon and listen on Audible.

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and it really messes with you, and it really made it difficult for me for a long time to even figure out what I wanted. I couldn't, I just, I gave all my power away to the system and a specialist because I, you figure it out clearly. I don't know how to do this. And it took me seeing how bad it was getting because the system couldn't save us.

The system wasn't set up to protect anybody. The system is only punitive in this case. , I had to really shift myself in order to get us outta that situation.

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Yeah, being educated about the laws specifically and your state, like each state is different. So knowing those laws and getting your plan in action is really important, like you said, and getting your head on straight, which is like the hardest step. , like

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That really shifted things for me. And so once I got it, once I was like, okay, he has no desire to get better. , I could see that he was not interested in healing himself. I could really feel that I was holding open this trajectory that my kids would still have a father because he was gonna get better and heal even though I was seeing what was going on.

But again, because of my own trauma and fear and everything that I had been experiencing once I got it. I really started to , go and ask for help for everybody and anybody, and that's really when Miracles started to unfold because I thought that I was doing everything I had already called Child Protective Services.

I had, , hired all the people, but I didn't really choose a hundred percent that this was the only outcome I was gonna allow and, Once I did, and once I got that, , I discovered that this girl I worked with had an uncle who worked for ice, who put me in touch with Homeland Security, who got me the arresting officer who put me back in touch with the police department, with the right people who helped me reopen the case against the, with Child Protective Services.

, my realtor had me call the district attorney who unsealed the case file from the criminal offense, which I had never seen before. I started recording my kids. And getting actual information from them just in a what's been going on way. We got enough, we actually reopened an evaluation that we had done and so that if I could funnel everything through the third party so that it was a, , it wasn't just me being upset cuz you have to be very careful in divorce cases that you're not just the upset divorcee. And so I had to really , follow the rules while also taking a very hard stance while also basically saying this stuff is not okay, and I'm not okay with what's going on, and we need to provide safety and security for myself and my kids. And I really didn't want any more than supervised visitation to be awarded.

And at the same time I'm having to share custody in this process, , through the custody battle you're also sharing custody.

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And so every time something didn't go through, I said, okay, there's more I needed. , and I learned more information each time. And my evidence binder by the end of it was like a three inch thick thing with so much stuff. and, , the evaluative reports were on a one inch binder and, , his evidence was a couple of pieces of paper stapled together.

was enough that in. March of: 2020

ve heard from him is April of: 2020

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And he,

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And that is,

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If I don't win now, it doesn't matter because I'm gonna keep going.

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And the second therapist I saw, she was the one who actually recommended I go see a psychic. And she was shocked at what the system was doing. She had been in the system, but she was still like, I can't believe what's going on. I can't believe they, there's nobody who's gonna do anything. I can't believe Child Protective Services is not doing anything.

All of that. And she was the one who said, have you ever seen a psychic before? And I was, What is that even real? , that's, that's where I was at at the time. , I was just crazy fortune tellers. There's even a thing. And she said, no, no, I know. I know a good one. And I was like, I'll try anything.

Sure. Why not? Right? That's where the point in time is at. I'll try anything. Who cares? So when I went to see that psychic, I was not totally sure I believed the whole thing, but the way she spoke to me and the way she read my energy and the way she talked about the past life that I was repeating, essentially she was saying, Things that I hadn't shared with her.

She was talking about all the thoughts in my head and all the fears that I had had that she was reading in this past life. And it was like she was in my head for the last four years and I was like, holy crap. And the realization that I was holding onto fear that wasn't even this lifetime sphere. And the reason I was so afraid of him, cuz he had never laid a hand on me in this life was because he had beaten me to death in a previous one.

And I was holding onto that fear still. , it was this understanding that I needed to make a choice to not let that fear stop me, , to not let anything that happened in the past stop me to not let my fear of my kids growing up without a father stop me because I was gonna be repeating the same thing.

And if he didn't beat me to death in this time, I would certainly manifest some illness to piece out because I was not gonna be able to continue like this much longer. And so,

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But it didn't. It didn't really do much. , even after I received full custody, I remember driving around and this is like pandemic now time, and so you're not really driving around much. But every time I would see something that looked like his car in the distance, my heart would stop. I would have, are we gonna run into him somewhere?

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Like I had suppressed so much of it.

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That's really , how I operated. And so it, sent me on a seeking and a searching journey and not just, Connect to, , more in the universe, but also to understand how I could heal myself, how I could help my kids. Because as hard as it was, they also lost a parent. And I, , went through a similar thing.

My dad didn't completely vanish, but he was pretty much not around since, from the time I was nine and my oldest was nine.

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And so I jumped into a quantum healing modality that I started learning where we started talking about our Akashic and past lives, and we started talking about how do. Get emotions out of our bodies in different ways. And I started to learn a bunch of different things and I started to discover that I did have access to this information.

I just didn't understand that I did, and I didn't know how to work with it before , and it was almost like this remembering and looking back and going, oh, that's what I did in that office. That's how I shifted so fast. That's what , I didn't understand what timelines and trajectories were, I didn't understand what I was doing even though I was doing it.

And then, so it was like I was getting language and understanding and also new tools to be able to really understand how I could help other people, even , in a different way as they come through these situations.

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our consciousness because we sit divided in ourselves so much. We sit in duality with self and we push and pull against. What, what we want to do and what I've discovered is if we can stop that push, pull and recognize instead of choosing a side, we actually need to recognize where're all of the things, and we need to contain more of who we are and we need to evolve that duality in a different way.

We can actually shift our consciousness in a way that helps us put the weight and the importance on something that really can shift things fast for us. And so I teach that modality as well as work with people individual. and, and then also I have all of the other tools that I've learned through the whole process.

So depending on what comes up, because sometimes the reasons people are sitting and stuck is because of the past life or because of the childhood issue or because of things that have happened, and we can lift those things up while also looking at the big overall, why are we recreating this experience in the first place?

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Like level up and step one. Out of the mud. Keep on blooming your little

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But what are the signs of a sex trafficker? What if you're narcissistic partner is like off, like what are some subtle signs to see

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He very much wanted me to give him in detail all of the stories he wanted. The pictures that I still had of when I was 16, , when you're 18, you don't think anything of it. But obviously he was almost 30 at the time and he very much wanted to replay those experiences. And I was like, I'm not going back there.

I'm not that person anymore. He made me then feel guilty about. Things that I had done with others that I wouldn't do with him. And so that was a pretty big red flag that was the beginning of how he would proceed. But then he dropped it. Once we had kids, he dropped it and it wasn't a conversation.

And I was like, oh, he moved on. Good. But , looking back, , he wanted to bring other people , into the bedroom with us. He wanted to do all of these other things and he acted like it was no big. So that was a big red flag I missed. Just that there was some type of sexual deviant behavior in general.

He also, he had a really, his habit was basically to not answer his phone, and in the evening he, he would just say he'd come home from work. When he finished, he worked 12 plus hour days, he. , there were, if I tried to call at five and say, Hey, are you gonna be home for dinner maybe soon? And it'd be six, seven, or eight sometimes when he would actually show up.

And if I tried to be upset by it or have a conversation about it again, I would be made to feel guilty that he was working so hard and so that I could stay home with the kids. And how dare imply otherwise. And so you see the pattern here, right? Every time I was upset about

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He always had to have cash on him. , again, great excuses. We can say you're traveling, of course you need those things, but you. All the things. He had a separate bank account I actually had forgotten about. Then, , people ask, how did you not see the money? Well, because he could allot his paycheck, how he deemed a fit, and we had more than enough.

So I never noticed that there was money going to other accounts. That's not, I didn't have his HR documentation right. , so there was lots of small, subtle things there that I missed, and I honestly, on some level, chose not to see. , I believed that he was a good man. I believed that he was a good provider and I was grateful that I could stay home full-time with my kids when they were little, and I didn't wanna rock that boat.

and we didn't, we had no conversations other than kids and family. He didn't talk about his work at all. I didn't even know who his boss was, let alone his title. , he had to keep everything separate and so he very compartmentalized his life. Obviously there was another compartment I didn't get to see at all, but all of that is, , glares back at you going, oh, . So there was lots of red signs, there. , , there wasn't any direct stuff with the kids specifically before that I noticed. But truly he wasn't around much. He was around on the weekends and.

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and so, it wasn't until I understood all of that, that I started to see it in a different way.

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I remember having those thoughts and. , , because he was either distant or, , and he traveled almost a week out of every month. And, , and I would have the thought and I'd be like, no, that doesn't make sense. Because he also told this whole story, he told me that I was the fourth person he'd ever been with.

And so he played like innocence in a sense. And I was also his third wife. So clearly he didn't date. He just, , had long-term monogamous relationships. And so it.

Except the truth was I was the fourth person he didn't pay. , even early on in our relationship, I was actually the one he cheated on his second wife with.

Like, all of those are quite big red flags.

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But

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Look, I like succeeded. I was right. And I held onto that one for a long time too.

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Meeting shadow to shadow.

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I was just like, , he'll get over it. He'll get through it.

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karma that we have to.

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It shocks people every single time. And. , I want people to know that no matter how bad it is, because it can be really, really bad. There is a way through. There is a way to the other side. There is a way to take back your power. We truly can create our own realities if we believe we can.

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After my divorce was over, it was striking to me how many people share custody with their abusers and their children's abusers and that they not only financially can't begin to have the fight, but even if they can, , they give their power to the system and they end up not succeeding and they and their people who are now, and then these kids go through this cycle and we recreated over and over again.

And so I want to do something to help. I want to educate people. I wanna help people with a mental, emotional state. I wanna help people. Pay for the legal fight if they really can't do that. And I wanna build a community that can really support people in a way that isn't for trauma bonding, but really is about helping people feel seen where they are.

Because a big part of my journey was I isolated for so long, I was so scared to talk to people. I felt so much judgment from the outside world that it meant the only safe person to talk to was the person who caused the trauma. And it's another big reason I stayed in my marriage. In a lot of ways, like , kidnappers, protect , their kidnapper is , that's the only safe person they know.

They're so isolated, and being able to have a supportive community and people around you and people you can go to, to help you shift, that is very, very important to me. And so part of , my goals in putting this book out there is to raise funding. so that I can start this nonprofit and to invite people to really change their own lives.

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Colorado about

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But obviously in hindsight that's not, and I'm sure that Colorado was not the only state with very lenient laws against sex offenders. And the amount that the court does not understand about trauma and trauma bonding and what happens and why women stay in marriages and the fact that that then becomes a deterrent in, you now have an uphill battle in family court to say why you stayed and that that is used against you.

It's another set of trauma that people have to go through, and the court is not educated in , any way to understand that. Like I had, I had to basically, explain myself for proof for staying in the first place. and I wasn't just trying to get back at him because we were getting divorced. , that's basically what the court thinks is happening when they don't have any idea what's really happening.

And so I would really love to bring enough awareness in January, a sex trafficking awareness month, and from a federal standpoint and. So I really want to spread as much awareness as possible. And it's not, you mean the victims of sex trafficking obviously have a huge story, but people don't understand what the families go through and the amount of, , do we, do we support our person or not?

And how do we believe them and what's the truth? And there's so much that goes on, and I think it's so important for people to hear this side of the.

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And, and I wanna bring it all together because there's so much more we can help people with.

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So

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And the nonprofit I'm starting, which doesn't have a website yet, but it's the Golden Haven Foundation, and I've just filed with the state and there's a whole lot of setup and a whole lot that has to happen. Once I have some funding and , some people on board, then we can stay tuned for that.

But either site, I'm sure we will be sending out emails and inviting people to support that as well once it's set up.

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Wow. What a powerful conversation with Amanda. And again, you can get her book on Amazon. I have. Eight. No, I have nine. We have nine takeaways here. Number one is we talked about the signs of grooming and sexual abuse. Gaslighting really messes with your head. The system. Can only protect you through.

Evidence and. Proving someone guilty. You have the power within you? Number five is how to gather evidence. I really loved. That we touched on how narcissists manipulate us through the kids. Number seven is maybe you need to be open to a psychic reading again, from a reputable psychic, I would have to say.

Number eight is. All of this, sent her on a spiritual awakening journey, which I know it has for all of you. And the last one is. Watch out for the signs of narcissist, know the red flags and know what the signs are for sex offenders and predators.

Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this podcast. You can take a screenshot and share it to your socials and tag me at Raven Scott. Show. And our guest and.

Rate and review this podcast. Podcast.

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This episode certainly is going to drum up a beautiful conversation. So head over to the Patrion. Empath healing. Follow the page for free and join the conversation on the top post there.

And contribute your feedback and your thoughts about this episode. And remember, Always keep your unique light shining.

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and the person who did not meditate, their brain chemistry started to go into fight or flight when they heard the beep, when they felt the pain. And then after they felt the pain, they ruminated on the pain. And the person who regularly meditated heard the beep, brain didn't do anything, received the pain, the brain ignited, and then immediately it stopped after the pain went away.

So what I'm trying to say to you is that daily meditation can. Remove the stress, the heartache, and the pain that you're feeling. Post betrayal from the narcissist. This is one of the reasons why I became a certified meditation teacher, and now I'm hosting Live meditations on the luvo app, and it's because it helped me removed all of the heartache, removed the P S D and the pain and suffering that I was going through.

So I encourage you to download the luvo app today. It's 100% free to download the app.