5 Things Narcissist Will Do When You Go No Contact

Raven: 00:00:02

the escape.

2

: 00:00:04

This was the part I feared the most

and was the easiest at the same time.

3

: 00:00:11

I always feared my future without

Lance as a deep, dark, black abyss.

4

: 00:00:17

But when I wasn't aware of for so long

was that staying was sucking me down even

5

: 00:00:22

deeper into an energetic dark vortex.

6

: 00:00:27

The energy of my fear versus

what reality was is clear now.

7

: 00:00:32

I had just met an old contact

through Lance while signing up

8

: 00:00:35

for insurance after we married.

9

: 00:00:38

She and I reconnected and started talking.

10

: 00:00:40

I shared with her my dilemma and

situation and that I wanted to move out.

11

: 00:00:43

So.

12

: 00:00:44

We can work on our

relationship through therapy.

13

: 00:00:47

She connected me with another friend of

hers that was in a similar situation,

14

: 00:00:53

that she had been in living with her ex

for years and wanted to move out as well.

15

: 00:00:58

I knew of an apartment complex my

friend years ago encouraged me to

16

: 00:01:02

move into while amidst my emotional

anguish and trying to leave him.

17

: 00:01:06

Her seed was me.

18

: 00:01:07

Was planted and it remained with

me to that day and my potential

19

: 00:01:12

roommate and I went to go look at

the apartment It was perfect for us.

20

: 00:01:15

We put our deposit down

and signed the lease.

21

: 00:01:18

We were ready to move in the next week

back home Lance was sleeping on the sofa,

22

: 00:01:23

which was the first in our relationship.

23

: 00:01:25

He was removed.

24

: 00:01:26

He didn't talk to me He went out with

his friends every night, and the silence

25

: 00:01:32

was relieving, but also very unsettling.

26

: 00:01:36

I was grateful for the lack of conflict.

27

: 00:01:38

I felt I was going to be out soon, and

I feared any conflict leading up to it.

28

: 00:01:43

On the night before I moved

out, he left and didn't return.

29

: 00:01:46

He told me he'd be with his

friends and don't wait up.

30

: 00:01:50

I didn't have a chance

to tell him I was moving.

31

: 00:01:52

I feared telling him because I didn't

want him convincing me not to go.

32

: 00:01:56

And years later, I would find out

in the one email correspondence we

33

: 00:02:01

had that he hacked into my email and

discovered that I had signed the lease.

34

: 00:02:06

He gave up on me.

35

: 00:02:07

I felt he knew and he

didn't want to ask why.

36

: 00:02:11

What my plan was or said he was

finally willing to go to therapy.

37

: 00:02:16

He did none of those things.

38

: 00:02:17

He wasn't willing to change.

39

: 00:02:22

And that's from my book

Empath and the Narcissist.

40

: 00:02:25

How to Overcome Narcissistic Abuse,

Recover from PTSD, Codependency,

41

: 00:02:27

Gaslighting, and Manipulation.

42

: 00:02:31

Today we're talking about the five things

narcissists do when you go no contact.

43

: 00:02:37

So after I left that relationship, I did

not do a good job at going no contact.

44

: 00:02:44

However, most of the time I did.

45

: 00:02:47

But there was a dark energy there and I

felt it and I was relieved to be leaving

46

: 00:02:51

the dark energy and lo and behold,

it followed me to my new apartment.

47

: 00:02:55

Very scary, dark shadow figure, but it

was my spiritual awakening and going no

48

: 00:03:02

contact for me Was not easy It wasn't

torturous on the last Leaving on the

49

: 00:03:12

final departure It was not torturous,

but all the other periods where I moved

50

: 00:03:18

out and moved back in seven other times.

51

: 00:03:20

Yes It was torturous, and I got

sucked back into the cycle, which

52

: 00:03:24

I'm going to share with you the five

stages of going no contact and getting

53

: 00:03:28

sucked back in with a narcissist.

54

: 00:03:31

And ultimately, yes, on my eighth attempt,

I did leave and I remained no contact.

55

: 00:03:37

One, emails, and you'll be hearing

about that during this episode.

56

: 00:03:42

Welcome back to the empath and

narcissist podcast, spiritual healing

57

: 00:03:47

with human design, spirituality

from trauma and narcissistic abuse.

58

: 00:03:53

Here we are empowering empaths into

their power and authentic self with

59

: 00:03:58

human design after narcissistic abuse.

60

: 00:04:01

It is here as a tool to help you bust

out of the prison of narcissistic abuse.

61

: 00:04:08

of being a victim from narcissistic abuse

and it allows you to be the architect

62

: 00:04:14

for your own joy and peace in your life.

63

: 00:04:17

Subscribe now.

64

: 00:04:21

So the first step, number one, is That

the narcissist will do after you go no

65

: 00:04:25

contact is they will gather their troops.

66

: 00:04:28

They will start a false narrative

and a smear campaign against you.

67

: 00:04:33

So everyone in my sphere, who I thought

I trusted, who I thought was family, who

68

: 00:04:38

I didn't want to let go of ultimately,

especially his mother, they believed him.

69

: 00:04:43

They felt sorry for him.

70

: 00:04:45

They felt empathy and they felt like,

how could you not be strong enough?

71

: 00:04:49

How could you leave him and abandon him?

72

: 00:04:52

And I remember Being part of a bridal

party for his brother, but it was

73

: 00:04:56

really, would be my future sister

in law, and this is the craziest

74

: 00:05:02

thing about all of this, right?

75

: 00:05:03

You have all these other connections or

relationships with people you think are

76

: 00:05:06

true and authentic, but then when they're

intertwined with a narcissist and you

77

: 00:05:09

go no contact and you leave them, you

see that that relationship wasn't real.

78

: 00:05:13

That was just a relationship by proxy.

79

: 00:05:16

And so she called me and she

said, you know, that I was

80

: 00:05:19

uninvited to her bridal shower.

81

: 00:05:21

I was uninvited to being part of

the wedding, which I knew that

82

: 00:05:24

part, but I still wanted to support

her and go to the bridal shower.

83

: 00:05:28

And she says, well, I can't

have just random strangers

84

: 00:05:31

coming , to the bridal shower.

85

: 00:05:33

And I was like, random stranger?

86

: 00:05:35

We were just about to be sister in laws.

87

: 00:05:37

And for Me standing up for myself,

for me not putting up with abuse, now

88

: 00:05:41

all of a sudden I'm a random stranger?

89

: 00:05:43

And this, these types of things

happen when we go no contact.

90

: 00:05:47

And it's infuriating because why do we

have to lose everybody else when we leave?

91

: 00:05:53

I guess because that's human nature.

92

: 00:05:55

Being part of the tribe and

everyone being intertwined.

93

: 00:05:58

But the narcissist also does a very

good job at smearing our name, at

94

: 00:06:02

playing the victim, at crying boo

hoo, and Showing everyone that they

95

: 00:06:07

did nothing wrong, and it's all on

the person who left, which is you.

96

: 00:06:13

Which, go for you leaving,

but yeah, it sucks to be the

97

: 00:06:17

stronger and braver person.

98

: 00:06:19

It really does suck.

99

: 00:06:21

So they tell everyone what you

did, and more, what they did.

100

: 00:06:27

But it, they're telling other people that

you actually did it, which is infuriating.

101

: 00:06:31

Uh, there's so many lies and so

many things that you might hear

102

: 00:06:35

as you're still communicating with

some of these proxy people that just

103

: 00:06:40

infuriate you because it's not fair.

104

: 00:06:42

It's not true.

105

: 00:06:43

It's not right.

106

: 00:06:45

It's a whole other level of when

they start to smear your character,

107

: 00:06:49

then, you know, if they can't get to

you and you're still in contact with

108

: 00:06:53

these people and, but they can't.

109

: 00:06:55

Also, really get to you when

you're starting to draw boundaries

110

: 00:06:57

with them, they'll really

start to smear your character.

111

: 00:07:02

They will convince everyone

that they are the sad victim.

112

: 00:07:06

Boo hoo, I did nothing wrong.

113

: 00:07:10

And they'll convince everyone, the

whole goal, is to convince everyone

114

: 00:07:13

that you have the mental issues,

and that they are the victim.

115

: 00:07:18

They need all of the support

and the attention and love

116

: 00:07:21

because they are insecure.

117

: 00:07:22

They need that attention.

118

: 00:07:24

They need that support.

119

: 00:07:27

And what you need It's to not get

support from everyone supporting them.

120

: 00:07:31

You need support from healthy sources.

121

: 00:07:34

From maybe your core family

if they are still healthy.

122

: 00:07:38

Maybe from your therapist.

123

: 00:07:40

All through these amazing communities

that now exist of narcissistic

124

: 00:07:44

abuse survivors and these channels.

125

: 00:07:47

And the podcast, it's so incredible.

126

: 00:07:49

So this is where you're

gaining your support.

127

: 00:07:51

Having human to human though contact

is incredibly helpful, so a therapist,

128

: 00:07:55

maybe new friends who can understand

and have an open heart, open mind,

129

: 00:08:01

but it has to be someone neutral.

130

: 00:08:04

So, because, what will happen, is, , as

I was healing, I was still in contact

131

: 00:08:09

with his mom, Hashtag Me Too came along,

I, I don't know which planet was in

132

: 00:08:14

Aquarius, but it was certainly something

where we're all joining together and

133

: 00:08:18

speaking out about our abuse, and just,

in solidarity and support to all women who

134

: 00:08:24

have been, physically assaulted, . One

time, many times, chronically, right?

135

: 00:08:31

And even the abuse that you

endure in the bedroom, , is a

136

: 00:08:35

real thing with a narcissist.

137

: 00:08:36

They are crazy, like, weird, it's

a very common theme where they're

138

: 00:08:41

very abusive in the bedroom.

139

: 00:08:44

It's kind of a A similar theme.

140

: 00:08:46

So when I just posted without using his

name, just like my book and everything

141

: 00:08:50

else, I still kept him out of it.

142

: 00:08:53

I knew he wasn't on social media.

143

: 00:08:54

I was not trying to call

him particularly out.

144

: 00:08:56

I was just trying to join the

movement and support everyone.

145

: 00:09:00

, my hashtag MeToo post,

which was very neutral.

146

: 00:09:04

Got to a friend of a friend somehow,

right, cause social, social media

147

: 00:09:08

and posts, especially Facebook,

go through all the networks.

148

: 00:09:11

And then that person told his

brother, and his brother told him,

149

: 00:09:14

and then he threatened me, and it

was a horrible experience via text.

150

: 00:09:18

And he, , sent me these videos and

photos I talk about in my book to try and

151

: 00:09:23

blackmail me, and I'm like, Yeah, I know.

152

: 00:09:25

I've made some mistakes in my

life, and here's what you guys are

153

: 00:09:28

going to hear about in my book.

154

: 00:09:30

, because we, that's what we do.

155

: 00:09:31

We all make mistakes to try

and please the narcissist.

156

: 00:09:34

So, that didn't work.

157

: 00:09:36

And, I was upset.

158

: 00:09:37

I think I was texting his mom, like,

Oh my gosh, he just, like, Text

159

: 00:09:42

assaulted me, like such a barrage of

horrible texts, threatening to ruin my

160

: 00:09:47

life and blackmail me and what's your

address so I can cease and desist.

161

: 00:09:52

I'm like, who in their right mind would

give this madman their address via text?

162

: 00:09:57

But anyways.

163

: 00:09:58

They're so arrogant, they're

blinded by their offense.

164

: 00:10:02

So, this all happened, and I'm sure

I reached out to her because I still

165

: 00:10:07

thought that she was a trusted solace.

166

: 00:10:09

This is the thing, you have to be

very careful with people connected.

167

: 00:10:13

And, she said, I You've made a mess

of everything, blaming it on me.

168

: 00:10:21

And I'm like, you of all

people, who You're blaming me.

169

: 00:10:25

You're blaming the victim, right?

170

: 00:10:27

So, this is what we have to be careful of.

171

: 00:10:30

They smear your character.

172

: 00:10:31

. So I had to cut off contacts with her.

173

: 00:10:34

That was not a healthy relationship.

174

: 00:10:36

You cannot stay connected

to the narcissist.

175

: 00:10:39

And I was arrogant to think that

she was going to take my side

176

: 00:10:41

over her flesh and blood child.

177

: 00:10:43

Who is hers?

178

: 00:10:45

No.

179

: 00:10:45

We cannot be arrogant either.

180

: 00:10:47

Just because that that person is

wrong, doesn't mean that flesh and

181

: 00:10:51

blood is not going to defend them.

182

: 00:10:53

So that was my life lesson,

just don't be arrogant.

183

: 00:10:56

So, I would advise the same thing,

sometimes we think that those people

184

: 00:11:00

will not turn against us, but they will.

185

: 00:11:03

Because the narcissist is their

flesh and blood, because the

186

: 00:11:07

narcissist has smear campaigned

you, has defamed your character,

187

: 00:11:11

has cried the victim for so long.

188

: 00:11:14

So you really have to expect

the worst case scenario.

189

: 00:11:18

And do the healing work.

190

: 00:11:20

Do the healing work and be prepared to

say, I don't care what you say about me.

191

: 00:11:24

I don't care at all.

192

: 00:11:26

I know it's not true.

193

: 00:11:28

If they don't know it's not

true, that's also their problem.

194

: 00:11:30

And they're not someone to be in your

inner circle or in your life at all.

195

: 00:11:36

Number two is they flaunt

their new source supply.

196

: 00:11:40

So, for instance, if they can't Get

a hold of you and they can't reach,

197

: 00:11:44

you know, get you in their grasps and

maybe more you're staying strong and

198

: 00:11:47

you're staying no Contact then they will

flaunt their new supply in front of you.

199

: 00:11:53

They are insecure

Remember, they need supply.

200

: 00:11:56

They need someone to constantly

validate them and to project their crap

201

: 00:12:01

on to they need that other person to

be the target to manipulate and to

202

: 00:12:07

get away with whatever behavior that

they're normally always get away with

203

: 00:12:12

So sometimes they'll go to their ex.

204

: 00:12:14

They'll go back to their ex.

205

: 00:12:15

Sometimes they'll go to the person.

206

: 00:12:17

Obviously, if they're cheating on you,

they're gonna stay with that person.

207

: 00:12:19

They're cheating on you and everyone's

going to, you know, speak of how

208

: 00:12:23

it's true love and you were just not

the right person for him or you were

209

: 00:12:28

just a bad person or didn't give him

proper love and this new supply does.

210

: 00:12:32

BS.

211

: 00:12:33

They're gonna, you know, post

things up on social media everywhere

212

: 00:12:37

if they're on social media.

213

: 00:12:39

Or they'll meet someone new really fast,

and you hear through, you know, mine

214

: 00:12:43

didn't have social media, so I just heard

through some gossip chain that he , was

215

: 00:12:47

with someone again, and, you know, it's

like, I was with someone again, too, so

216

: 00:12:54

good for you, like, I don't care, but

they're jealous, they get really jealous,

217

: 00:12:59

so when he found out I was with someone

new pretty quickly, too, that was my own

218

: 00:13:04

codependent, like, I tried to be on my

own, but honestly, I didn't even seek

219

: 00:13:09

him out, , It landed in my lap and I was

so, so grateful and he's, he's healthy.

220

: 00:13:14

He's not another narcissist.

221

: 00:13:15

You have to be very careful.

222

: 00:13:16

You might run into another narcissist.

223

: 00:13:18

So anyways, long story short, he found

out I was with someone jealous and

224

: 00:13:24

he started again smear campaigning

me and saying that , I was cheating

225

: 00:13:27

on him while we were together.

226

: 00:13:29

It's like, no, I was not.

227

: 00:13:31

I literally.

228

: 00:13:33

He landed in my lap two weeks later.,

And it was just like a spark right away.

229

: 00:13:39

So these things happen.

230

: 00:13:40

They will make up things.

231

: 00:13:42

They will convince other

people of what is not true.

232

: 00:13:45

And that will be their

gospel truth to everyone.

233

: 00:13:47

So you just have to be very

mindful to keep that out.

234

: 00:13:52

So, you don't want to see them And

you don't want to see the new supply

235

: 00:13:56

because then you're gonna feel really

bad for the new supply as well and be

236

: 00:13:58

like Oh my god, like I should warn her.

237

: 00:14:01

Oh, yeah, if you warn her, it's all gonna

go back to the narcissist He's gonna

238

: 00:14:03

convince her that you're the crazy one

and then it's gonna backfire on you.

239

: 00:14:07

So don't even try that Just block

, your ex the narcissist everywhere.

240

: 00:14:12

Don't engage.

241

: 00:14:13

Don't even see it physically Maybe you

have to visit different places that

242

: 00:14:17

you used to frequent I had PTSD, so I

did not want to visit the places that

243

: 00:14:22

we frequented, like, ever, ever again.

244

: 00:14:24

So running into him was not a problem,

because I never, ever wanted to go there.

245

: 00:14:29

But if it's something like part of your

routine, find other places, locations, so

246

: 00:14:33

that you don't run into them on accident.

247

: 00:14:37

And yes, it's not fair.

248

: 00:14:40

It's not fair.

249

: 00:14:41

I affirm that.

250

: 00:14:42

But it is what it is.

251

: 00:14:46

They are insecure, and

they need that, , supply.

252

: 00:14:52

So what you need to do is continue to

do your healing work, focus on your

253

: 00:14:55

self worth, focus on what qualities

you have that you love about yourself.

254

: 00:15:03

, work on your inner child and really

being that parent to your inner

255

: 00:15:06

child who is freaking out right now.

256

: 00:15:08

I can imagine your eight year old self

just having a major drama meltdown.

257

: 00:15:12

That's your inner child being triggered.

258

: 00:15:14

So be that parent for your inner child

and calm yourself down in healthy ways.

259

: 00:15:19

Block everywhere so that you don't run

into it and and that will allow you

260

: 00:15:26

to be immune to their, it's a tactic.

261

: 00:15:29

They're trying to get you to be jealous.

262

: 00:15:31

They're trying to get you to be pulled

back in and reach back out to them.

263

: 00:15:35

And then the sad thing is, is

you're just using that other girl,

264

: 00:15:38

the supply or the boy as a tool.

265

: 00:15:41

And so if you do get hoovered back

in, they're going to easily discard

266

: 00:15:44

them just as they discarded you.

267

: 00:15:47

So this is not a person you

want to be running back to.

268

: 00:15:50

They don't treat anyone with any

decency, respect, or care for.

269

: 00:15:56

Them being a human being and

having feelings and and a heart

270

: 00:16:01

Speaking of triggers.

271

: 00:16:03

I just created a workshop It is free

access and then you can leave a tip pay

272

: 00:16:07

as you wish after you go through it.

273

: 00:16:10

It is a remarkable somatic healing journey

that I went through after being triggered

274

: 00:16:16

and Attacked and had this full body

, trigger experience, which is so common.

275

: 00:16:22

It was so surreal and it was, it

happened recently and it's happened

276

: 00:16:27

all the way back in the past.

277

: 00:16:28

Remember I told you about those texts?

278

: 00:16:30

. Your body's trembling, you're in

panic mode, you're fight or flight,

279

: 00:16:33

and it's just excruciating, you can't

function, you just completely shut down.

280

: 00:16:37

This is what happens to

our bodies and our minds.

281

: 00:16:40

And so I guide you through a process

of how to cleanse all of that out

282

: 00:16:44

of your body, how to shake it out.

283

: 00:16:46

I do a sage-ing ceremony

for you, we do a meditation.

284

: 00:16:50

And some really powerful mantras

to help you ground yourself

285

: 00:16:54

and regain that power back.

286

: 00:16:57

So that's free in the link in

the show notes or description.

287

: 00:17:00

And join me in that workshop.

288

: 00:17:09

So the third phase is hoovering.

289

: 00:17:11

They will attempt to suck you

back into the abuse cycle.

290

: 00:17:16

So be prepared, right?

291

: 00:17:17

Because if you're jealous and you're

seeing it and you're commenting or you're

292

: 00:17:21

Even being angry and accusing you, they're

going to use any type of reach out that

293

: 00:17:26

you do to them to hoover you back in.

294

: 00:17:29

So, remember I said it was easy

at the end for me to leave?

295

: 00:17:32

It was only easy because it was

excruciatingly hard the seven

296

: 00:17:37

other times I tried to leave.

297

: 00:17:40

I hoovered myself back

in, which some of us do.

298

: 00:17:43

Uh, or they will call

and hoover you back in.

299

: 00:17:46

Hoover just means suck.

300

: 00:17:47

They're just sucking you

back into the vortex.

301

: 00:17:50

So it's the attentions, it's

the text, it's the phone calls.

302

: 00:17:54

And for me, I felt guilty, I felt sorry,

and this was the pattern of abuse.

303

: 00:17:57

It's emotional abuse where they

give you the silent treatment.

304

: 00:18:02

That means that you did something wrong.

305

: 00:18:04

And so now you're contemplating

and introspecting and

306

: 00:18:06

thinking, What did I do wrong?

307

: 00:18:08

Did I overreact?

308

: 00:18:08

Oh my gosh, I overreacted.

309

: 00:18:09

That was such a silly argument.

310

: 00:18:11

I can't believe we just argued about that.

311

: 00:18:13

And I moved out because

of that silly argument.

312

: 00:18:16

What did I just do?

313

: 00:18:17

I don't want to stay moved out.

314

: 00:18:18

You literally feel like your

arm is off of your body.

315

: 00:18:21

Like, when they're not

around and part of your life.

316

: 00:18:24

There's a piece of your body gone, that

is actually an energetic cord being, , in

317

: 00:18:31

pain and pulling you back together.

318

: 00:18:34

There are energetic cords that occur

when we get attached to people.

319

: 00:18:39

Healthy?

320

: 00:18:39

And unhealthy.

321

: 00:18:41

And this one, of course, is unhealthy.

322

: 00:18:42

This energetic cord gets latched into

your heart and you get pulled back in.

323

: 00:18:46

Either you call and apologize and

say, I'm so sorry, I overreacted.

324

: 00:18:50

I can't believe I did that.

325

: 00:18:51

Like, how can we fix this?

326

: 00:18:53

How can we resolve this argument?

327

: 00:18:55

And the narcissist will say, Oh, well,

if you just do this, then we'll be fine.

328

: 00:18:59

Come back home.

329

: 00:18:59

I forgive you.

330

: 00:19:03

Sometimes they'll do a fake apology or

they won't do an apology at all because

331

: 00:19:07

you won't ever require it because you

feel so guilt because You feel like

332

: 00:19:11

you did all the wrong stuff, and that's

exactly how the narcissist trains you.

333

: 00:19:17

They train you to take all the crap

and the flack and responsibility

334

: 00:19:21

for everything, and you just

take it on because you're just

335

: 00:19:24

such an open hearted person.

336

: 00:19:29

And more, maybe some childhood trauma.

337

: 00:19:31

, so, this hoovering doesn't

just happen right away.

338

: 00:19:36

This hoovering can actually

occur after a decade.

339

: 00:19:40

After their other supply has finally

been done with them and left.

340

: 00:19:43

It was so strange, about 10, 11 years

later, after I left, and I've been doing

341

: 00:19:49

this work, I got a random email from a

female name, but it was super sketchy,

342

: 00:19:54

and like, , when you've experienced a

narcissist, like, your eyes are on the

343

: 00:19:57

radar for any scam, you can pick up any

scam, especially with all these crazy,

344

: 00:20:01

being on, in the online space, and there's

so many people spamming your email.

345

: 00:20:06

So this didn't look like a spam, but

I knew it was like, Because it was

346

: 00:20:10

just like the subject line was like,

Hey girl, what this is, who, who

347

: 00:20:16

says, Hey girl, this obviously isn't

professional, but it's not personal

348

: 00:20:19

because everyone I know personally

doesn't like listeners and clients,

349

: 00:20:26

they email this email, not just like a

person who would say, Hey girl, to me

350

: 00:20:31

and my gut, my intuition said, it's him.

351

: 00:20:35

Didn't even open it.

352

: 00:20:36

I was like that's creepy.

353

: 00:20:37

That's him I'm closing it and I'm

not even gonna con like see the

354

: 00:20:41

hoovering can happen through any any

means and So I just deleted it and I

355

: 00:20:46

was like, oh shake that off, right?

356

: 00:20:48

So the hoovering can happen at any time

for you, you may blatantly know that they

357

: 00:20:53

are trying to hoover you back, because

they're now not with their new supply.

358

: 00:20:58

So it's, it's completely unique

for every single one of you.

359

: 00:21:03

So, comment below, what are

your experiences with hoovering?

360

: 00:21:06

How did they reach out to you?

361

: 00:21:08

Other people need to know

this to share, to be aware.

362

: 00:21:11

Was it a text?

363

: 00:21:12

Was it an email?

364

: 00:21:13

Did they have some like

weird, like, slogan?

365

: 00:21:15

Did they apologize?

366

: 00:21:16

Did they just be like, hey girl,

like a creepy guy in your DMs?

367

: 00:21:20

Or what, what was it?

368

: 00:21:21

How did they do that?

369

: 00:21:22

Comment below.

370

: 00:21:26

So don't be flattered by the hoovering.

371

: 00:21:29

This is not about you and

like valuing your worth.

372

: 00:21:34

You value your worth all on your own.

373

: 00:21:38

This is, this is about

them and their agenda.

374

: 00:21:42

They're, and trying to, to get

their own sick needs met through

375

: 00:21:45

whatever easy means possible.

376

: 00:21:47

So don't make it easy on them.

377

: 00:21:49

Alright.

378

: 00:21:51

. So number four, they can get their

hook into you through the hoovering.

379

: 00:21:56

They will then love bomb

you back into their grips..

380

: 00:22:01

The thing with no contact and enough

time in between, the narcissist now

381

: 00:22:06

can play the game, but I've changed.

382

: 00:22:09

I've worked on myself.

383

: 00:22:10

They can lie and say they've

read this book or that book,

384

: 00:22:13

or, you know, I went to therapy.

385

: 00:22:15

Maybe they went for one session,

maybe they went never, and

386

: 00:22:18

they're still lying to you.

387

: 00:22:20

And they can hook you back in,

they can idealize you, and they

388

: 00:22:25

can romanticize you, and they can

idealize the relationship, and just

389

: 00:22:30

sell you on why you should come back

and you should start dating again.

390

: 00:22:36

Now, this is a really dangerous, slippery

slope to go down with a narcissist

391

: 00:22:42

who has hurt you, and there was a real

good reason why you went no contact.

392

: 00:22:47

Just reminding you, because it

took me seven times to be reminded.

393

: 00:22:52

Oh yeah, that's why I moved out.

394

: 00:22:54

Because it was more than just the

argument that made me move out.

395

: 00:22:58

It was the daily, constant

emotional and sexual abuse.

396

: 00:23:05

Constant.

397

: 00:23:07

And the isolation and the talking

down to me lectures and how he's

398

: 00:23:13

so much smarter and better than me.

399

: 00:23:15

Daily.

400

: 00:23:17

It was, it's all of the

compilation of the daily abuse.

401

: 00:23:21

That's why you left.

402

: 00:23:22

Not because of a silly argument.

403

: 00:23:23

That was just the trigger point.

404

: 00:23:25

So it's a slippery slope if you let

them back in and they love bombing

405

: 00:23:29

you because then it's just going

to start the whole, now you're

406

: 00:23:32

going to be truly trauma bonded.

407

: 00:23:33

It's going to start the whole cycle

all over again and you're going to

408

: 00:23:37

go back and then maybe a few months

everything's great and fine and they're,

409

: 00:23:41

they're going to show you how respectful

they are, how on time they are.

410

: 00:23:45

Whatever the problem was they're going

to change that behavior for just a few

411

: 00:23:49

months until you get comfortable and

then they're going to start to twist it

412

: 00:23:53

all back on you again and they're going

to start to devalue you and if they

413

: 00:23:56

slip up and make a mistake then it's

your fault and on and on the cycle goes.

414

: 00:24:02

Them faking the love bombing and

bringing you back in, it's just BS.

415

: 00:24:08

Because every year, every

day, every month after.

416

: 00:24:13

Their actions never change.

417

: 00:24:17

It's just BS.

418

: 00:24:19

So you have to find a way during this

no contact, excruciatingly painful time

419

: 00:24:26

to ground yourself, to not reach out, to

not think that love is going to conquer

420

: 00:24:33

all, that love is going to save this.

421

: 00:24:36

Love can help you from a very

high vibrational empowering part

422

: 00:24:40

when you have to face something.

423

: 00:24:42

But why choose to go back in and face it?

424

: 00:24:45

When you don't have to.

425

: 00:24:48

And you can have healthy relationships

with others outside of this toxic cycle.

426

: 00:24:56

It's just toxic.

427

: 00:24:56

, it's, that's all it is and if

they're not even willing to change,

428

: 00:24:59

if they're not willing to take any

responsibility, it will never change.

429

: 00:25:06

Year after year, it will never change.

430

: 00:25:11

A lot of people don't want to change.

431

: 00:25:13

We can't comprehend this because

we are highly sensitive empaths who

432

: 00:25:16

are constantly Wanting to change

for other people and maybe that's

433

: 00:25:20

our Pathological flaw as well.

434

: 00:25:22

We're morphing and changing it.

435

: 00:25:24

Oh look haha over here, and I want to

be emo over here Whatever it is like

436

: 00:25:29

that is our journey to heal, right?

437

: 00:25:32

Working on yourself and healing is

important learning about your human

438

: 00:25:36

design and knowing oh, I have an open

will center So when I'm talking with

439

: 00:25:40

someone I'm super excited about whatever

they're selling me And even though

440

: 00:25:43

you may pose some objections, it's not

strong enough objections for them to

441

: 00:25:48

really get it because they're so excited

about what they're selling and they're

442

: 00:25:51

going to just sell you right in, right?

443

: 00:25:54

And you say, please,

sir, may I have another?

444

: 00:25:57

And if that's projection and abuse,

and that's what's going to happen.

445

: 00:26:00

So you have to know these things

about yourself and guard yourself

446

: 00:26:03

up and say, that sounds interesting.

447

: 00:26:07

Let me think about that and get back to

you and either get back to them or don't.

448

: 00:26:12

The other thing is if you have an

open solar plexus, this means that

449

: 00:26:15

you have the, uh, excruciating

experience of feeling emotion.

450

: 00:26:20

So the silent treatment is

not like a silent treatment

451

: 00:26:23

for those who have it defined.

452

: 00:26:25

That's still excruciating, but for

those who have it open, it's like

453

: 00:26:29

a hundred times more excruciating.

454

: 00:26:31

So we may be weaker.

455

: 00:26:33

To give in to that silent treatment and

do whatever that narcissist wants us to

456

: 00:26:38

do, no matter if it's even against the

law, no matter if it's just horrible

457

: 00:26:43

for everyone in the room, we will do it.

458

: 00:26:46

And this is the burden.

459

: 00:26:51

Of knowing now your design and now

being strong enough to stand up

460

: 00:26:57

and say, no, you have to be strong.

461

: 00:27:01

And so all the BS and all the

lies from what we're talking

462

: 00:27:04

about, the love bombing, I went

down a rabbit hole, sorry, is BS.

463

: 00:27:09

So you have to tap into your

inner authority and your power.

464

: 00:27:13

Where's your power?

465

: 00:27:15

Where's your inner authority?

466

: 00:27:17

Is that in your sacral where you're

like, this feels really off in my gut.

467

: 00:27:21

This is not right.

468

: 00:27:22

Then believe it.

469

: 00:27:23

It's not right.

470

: 00:27:25

If it's in your emotional solar plexus

and you're feeling these emotions

471

: 00:27:29

that are off and you have that power

to know like nope That's not right.

472

: 00:27:35

Nope.

473

: 00:27:35

No, thank you.

474

: 00:27:36

That doesn't feel right either Right?

475

: 00:27:38

Where is your inner authority?

476

: 00:27:40

And this is why we talked about

that in the exclusive episode

477

: 00:27:43

on the podcast, Inner Authority.

478

: 00:27:45

Which one do you have?

479

: 00:27:47

Comment below.

480

: 00:27:48

If you don't know, grab your free chart

and the link in the description, but

481

: 00:27:52

inner authority is your superpower that

your soul has picked in this body here

482

: 00:27:57

on earth to listen to your intuition

and figure out how to make right choices.

483

: 00:28:03

And the last one, stalking.

484

: 00:28:07

The narcissist, because you've been

in their grasp, and you've somehow

485

: 00:28:12

affected, that you somehow can be a

problem for them in the future, and

486

: 00:28:19

, affecting their ego and their status

and their projection out into the world,

487

: 00:28:26

they will always have tabs on you.

488

: 00:28:28

They will always be waiting,

or stalking, or watching.

489

: 00:28:33

Because they don't want to go to

jail or they don't want to be outed.

490

: 00:28:37

They don't want the truth to come out.

491

: 00:28:39

We see this in the main stage right now.

492

: 00:28:44

So many things are happening where

there's projections and lies and

493

: 00:28:48

the truth doesn't want to be out.

494

: 00:28:49

This happens in our personal lives.

495

: 00:28:52

So, if you have been pulled in,

just know that the leaving will

496

: 00:28:58

be, like, a hundred times harder.

497

: 00:29:01

Because now you're embarrassed, maybe

now, at this time, they've taken

498

: 00:29:04

away your credit card, or whatever.

499

: 00:29:06

Like, you quit your job,

and now you're really stuck.

500

: 00:29:08

Because you went all in to fix

this relationship, so maybe

501

: 00:29:12

that meant quitting your job.

502

: 00:29:13

And now you're all in with no money,

and now you, like, how do I get out?

503

: 00:29:16

Right?

504

: 00:29:17

There's other ways, too.

505

: 00:29:18

If you do have money, it's still

just emotionally excruciating.

506

: 00:29:22

The trauma and the bond.

507

: 00:29:24

But.

508

: 00:29:25

I always say, if we're working

on ourselves, we can find the

509

: 00:29:29

power within our mistakes.

510

: 00:29:31

So fool me once, shame on you.

511

: 00:29:34

Fool me twice, shame on me.

512

: 00:29:37

Now take the responsibility.

513

: 00:29:40

What are you believing?

514

: 00:29:42

What are you getting out of

this scenario for staying?

515

: 00:29:45

Is it, you don't want

to risk embarrassment?

516

: 00:29:47

And everyone saying, well, you're such

a fool, I told you not to go back.

517

: 00:29:50

That's your pride.

518

: 00:29:52

Your pride is keeping you stuck in

something that is killing you, hurting

519

: 00:29:55

you, making you chronically ill every day.

520

: 00:29:59

Let go of that pride.

521

: 00:30:01

That pride is not serving you.

522

: 00:30:02

That's a low vibration negative energy.

523

: 00:30:06

Number two, could it

be that you have fear?

524

: 00:30:12

I feared being alone, and a lonely

old hag that no one would ever

525

: 00:30:16

love, and I believed the lie he fed

me for so many years that he was

526

: 00:30:19

the only one that could love me.

527

: 00:30:21

They say that.

528

: 00:30:22

I'm the only one that can truly love you.

529

: 00:30:24

You know what the irony of that is?

530

: 00:30:26

They only love you as a cardboard

cutout of what they've made you.

531

: 00:30:31

They don't love you unconditionally

for who you authentically are.

532

: 00:30:34

As soon as you're authentic, they push

you down as hard and fast as they can.

533

: 00:30:40

Just trying to smash you back

into that cardboard perfect image.

534

: 00:30:43

That's not you.

535

: 00:30:45

So no, no.

536

: 00:30:46

No, they don't love you.

537

: 00:30:48

They truly can never love you.

538

: 00:30:51

For who you truly are.

539

: 00:30:53

It's quite the opposite.

540

: 00:30:56

So, just be mindful that they

may be watching or stalking.

541

: 00:31:00

So, of course, if you have

children, always be a step ahead.

542

: 00:31:05

If you've finally won in custody battles,

you know, gone through all of that.

543

: 00:31:10

Always keep everything

documented, be vigilant.

544

: 00:31:13

They will be quiet for decades.

545

: 00:31:16

Until one day they're not.

546

: 00:31:19

So, just be very vigilant, just

as much as they're vigilant.

547

: 00:31:22

Unfortunately, that's part

of being an abuse survivor.

548

: 00:31:28

Hyper vigilance.

549

: 00:31:29

We can be balanced.

550

: 00:31:30

Vigilant, but just always

be smarter and more ahead.

551

: 00:31:35

Because they may want to seek revenge.

552

: 00:31:37

And I hear a lot that narcissists

seek revenge through child custody.

553

: 00:31:42

And can drag on the custody

battle and drain your finances.

554

: 00:31:47

If you want to learn more about how to

get ahead of that game, listen to the

555

: 00:31:51

episode that aired January 16th on how

do I prepare for a custody battle with a

556

: 00:31:55

narcissist with our guest Stephanie Ann.

557

: 00:31:58

She's an attorney.

558

: 00:32:00

It was so remarkable.

559

: 00:32:01

I love listening and hearing about that.

560

: 00:32:03

So.

561

: 00:32:04

If you need any support in that, there

you have that episode to get your support.

562

: 00:32:09

And, , narcissists also will wait and

then if they have any leverage, any

563

: 00:32:16

power, any connection to relationships

that you currently have with somebody

564

: 00:32:21

or something, they will wait and

then pounce like , a hiding lion.

565

: 00:32:28

, it really does seem like a hiding

lion thing where it's like, wait,

566

: 00:32:30

wait, they're quiet, they're quiet,

everything's fine, and then pounce.

567

: 00:32:36

They bombard you with text messages

of lawsuit threats and everything.

568

: 00:32:41

So just be mindful, always be prepared,

stay a step ahead, block them from

569

: 00:32:46

all your socials, continue your no

contact, you are doing the right

570

: 00:32:50

thing, you are not doing anything

wrong by speaking your own truth.

571

: 00:32:55

You don't need to go, like, slander them,

you don't need to go hack them, like all

572

: 00:33:00

these darn hackers who are posting in all

of our narc abuse support, , comments.

573

: 00:33:06

No.

574

: 00:33:06

You don't need to do anything

that the narcissist will do.

575

: 00:33:09

Stay strong, stay above the thread,

and, , take away their leverage,

576

: 00:33:17

in advance to get ahead of them.

577

: 00:33:19

And then stay there.

578

: 00:33:22

So I hope that this episode has

helped you with understanding.

579

: 00:33:26

No contact if you're

struggling with no contact.

580

: 00:33:28

I really truly hope that

I've inspired you to stay.

581

: 00:33:31

No contact and join me this week.

582

: 00:33:34

I'll be going live on YouTube right

here, or Instagram at: 12:00

583

: 00:33:40

this Wednesday where I will be.

584

: 00:33:42

Investigating more spiritual karmic paths,

kind of a continuation of last week and

585

: 00:33:48

share with you with um, and I'll have a

friend joining me and we'll be sharing

586

: 00:33:52

about the ten behaviors of the narcissist.

587

: 00:33:56

So make sure you're

subscribed and tuned in.

588

: 00:33:58

If you're listening on the podcast

and you wish to join these lives on

589

: 00:34:02

Instagram or YouTube, then make sure

you're on the mailing list where

590

: 00:34:05

I will send you the link to them.

591

: 00:34:08

, or follow me on Instagram At

592

: 00:34:10

.

Empath and the Narcissist Podcast.

593

: 00:34:12

and tune in Wednesday,

12 PM Pacific time live.

594

: 00:34:18

And with that, I will bid you adieu.

595

: 00:34:21

Thank you so much for

watching and listening.

596

: 00:34:23

Comment below what resonated with

you and what your experience has

597

: 00:34:28

been so that you, we can share more

awareness to all of our listeners and

598

: 00:34:32

watchers here on YouTube, the podcast.

599

: 00:34:35

If you're listening on the podcast,

Feel free to reach out to me.

600

: 00:34:38

If you've grabbed any of these freebies

I've offered, you will be added to

601

: 00:34:42

the newsletter list, so you'll be

receiving, , heartfelt, warming,

602

: 00:34:47

supportive blogs from me in the email.

603

: 00:34:50

And you can always hit

reply to any of those.

604

: 00:34:52

I do personally monitor my emails.

605

: 00:34:57

And remember, always keep

your unique light shining.

606

: 00:35:03

Thank you so much for tuning into the

end of this podcast episode and being

607

: 00:35:06

an empath member here in the community.

608

: 00:35:09

Don't forget to grab your

free somatic healing workshop.

609

: 00:35:12

And or human design chart

report in the show notes.

610

: 00:35:16

I need your help please rate and review

my newest book Empath's guide to rising

611

: 00:35:21

strong a human design guide book.

612

: 00:35:23

You can grab a free Kindle,

unlimited copy to read and review.

613

: 00:35:28

Or grab a beautiful

paperback copy on Amazon.

614

: 00:35:32

Be sure to listen to the empath

and narcissist audible book.

615

: 00:35:35

If you haven't already.

616

: 00:35:36

Or you can grab your paperback on Amazon.

617

: 00:35:39

It

618

: 00:35:39

is a profound exploration of my

journey and healing providing you

619

: 00:35:42

with tools for healing as well.

620

: 00:35:45

All the links are in the show notes.

621

: 00:35:57

Losing time, I'm fading fast I just

wanna make it last Try to let go of

622

: 00:36:02

the past I close my eyes, embrace the

blast Sleepless nights and headaches

623

: 00:36:06

stack Restlessness to hell and back

What's my purpose, what do I grab?

624

: 00:36:10

A slippery surface, a heart attack

And sometimes you just gotta believe