Soulmates vs Twin Flames (Narcissists): Which One is Right for You?

80. soumates v twinflame

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a trauma informed spiritual mentor, certified meditation teacher, and human design expert. I'm empowering empaths in recovery and healing from narcissistic abuse childhood trauma through human design self-care mindfulness advice and expert interviews Subscribe now This is season five

Episode 80 soulmates versus twin flames. Which one is the right for you.

A lot of people when talking about narcissist, talk about twin flames.

And sometimes they interchange that with soulmates. And they are, yes, very powerful connections, but they have a distinct difference. And we're going to learn about these today in the podcast episode. And we'll figure out which one is the best fit for you.

When it comes to romantic relationships. There are two terms that are often used interchangeably, soulmates and twin flames. While both connections can be intense and meaningful. They have a distinct difference that we're going to explore today to set that sets them apart. So understanding these differences can really help you determine if this is a right flame or if this is a toxic flame, essentially, and which type of connection really.

Is healthy and best for you. So let's first understand the concept of the soulmates and twin flames. Maybe you're new to these terms, not familiar. And you're curious. So you've clicked on through, or you've been researching this heavily. So let's take a look. So just to go back to the basics. Soulmates and twin flames are both spiritual connections that are believed to be predestined. Kind of like the idea that we plan out our life play like our situation, our scenario, our parents, our life. Okay. We're getting to meet paths. I'm going to set up a certain.

Ah, sign for my soul to wake up and to kind of tune into, you know, whatever, like remind me of what I need to do. And some of us. In the spiritual world do believe that that is true. Kind of like, I guess you could call it pre Dustin, but we still. Are trying to figure it out and wake up. And a soulmate is someone who is ideally suited to be your life partner.

For instance, like I been talking about lately is, uh, you know, making a promise. You will always take care of somebody like for eternity. That is a soulmate. When they come into your life, life after life has different types of partners. Making sure that they're taking care of you. And there's this concept also about like a soul pod, like having a soul pod in the spirit realm.

And then having just. Quote, unquote, strangers could still act in your life as parents or a romantic partner, or let's say the narcissist. You know, comes in. They could actually be like a neighboring pod. They, you know, playing the devil's advocate. The kit, essentially in this earth body, or they could be a total stranger and just kind of like that's assigned and that's figured out. So.

I mean, all of this is still such a mystery. We don't know all of the ins and outs, but this is just some type of theories and ideas to make sense of. Why the heck did we run into. This narcissist. And how did they end up in our life? Now that's a soulmate. Someone who's suited to be your life partner, someone who feels comfortable like a warm sweater.

Really easy to be around. Like the connection is instant. While a twin flame is someone who is believed to be your other half, like with whom you share a deep spiritual connection with, and every single person's going to be different. But again, An example would be my acts, I truly felt was like a twin flame.

Mainly because his son sign, we were born the same year. His sun sign was opposite mine. It was almost like the yin and yang. And if we weren't, so in our ego toxic, do you know, driven by trauma and hurt and pain. And all of the negative things in life. You know, we might have actually been a real powerful couple, right.

However darkness seeped in, and that's just the route that person took in their life. And soulmates can be romantic partners. They can also be friends, close friends or family members. I just remember a past life I had with my current. Husband. We were besties. We were like close friend partners.

Who sailed the open seas together and then other past lives, he's also been my husband and in this current life, So they could be family members as well. And sometimes family members can not even be from your soul pot. Like they're there as quote unquote, like sole strangers. In for a moment, it's a short contract. And once you're kind of matured out of the nest, that contract is over.

And, you know, there's no more guilt to be had, which is so freeing.

So twin flames on the other hand, Are always romantic partners. Both connections. They can be intense. They can be transformative. For good or for bad, right? Uh, being with a narcissist, you can admit this is a highly transformative relationship and connection to have it's intense. The love bomb bombing, and the bonding that trauma bonding, everything is so intertwined and intense and codependent.

But each relationship either being a soulmate or it's just very comfy cozy. Or an intense relationship with that twin flame. There's different purposes and dynamics for each.

And I actually saved a post that I was scrolling through Instagram and I found by Zack Alexander. I think there's two underscores next to each other. And he had this chart between like the difference between a soulmate. Like a spiritual union versus a twin flame delusion, which I really feel like with the narcissist, this is a delusional.

You think they're a soulmate? You think they're the right one, the one, the ultimate they make you feel so amazing. But there is actually a delusion. So under the twin flame delusion. One partner is over identified with being an empath while the other partner is high in narcissistic traits. And this is why I saved this. I was like, oh my gosh, this is so good for you guys in paths.

Partners, overly idealized each other. So yes, the narcissist does, even though they discourage you, they idealize you because you never leave. You never, you just continue to receive and receive and put up with the blows left and right. So, yeah, it's ideal to have a partner who sticks around. When they're acting and they're dark shadow.

Like, and then play out the hero slash rescuer dynamics. So sometimes you're the rescuer when they're down and they're at their most vulnerable, and sometimes you can see a crack in their mask. And then other times they're the hero and they are rescuing you from your, let's say bad habits, craziness, emotional havoc.

Which is just literally responding to their constant paper cuts and their emotional abuse, but then they swoop in, they reverse the roles and they're the hero and the rescuer. Or my favorite line is well, Now I'm the bad guy, you know, always kind of feigning the victim while being the hero. It's just infuriating.

Twin flame delusions also have oscillating between extreme emotional states with a partner. Can you relate utter despair, like, and then to manic euphoria, like, I can't believe this is happening. This is such a dream life with this person. And then boom. You know, the shoe drops. Whatever is, you know, the sheet is the rug is being pulled underneath your feet. And now you're an utter despair. This happens.

So regularly with the narcissist is actually kind of describes the trauma bond cycle. The next one in twin flame delusion is constantly researching twin flames. Little to no hobbies. You don't have any hobbies, not have any outside interests. You are isolated. And the in there's really no interest outside the relationship. It's like an obsessive obsession.

About this relationship and like how to study it, how to make it better. When it never can be better because it takes two people to tango, not one. Can't dance. Around a rock and then think that the rock is going to suddenly wake up and dance with you.

And then the last one is in the twin flame. Delusion is you're heavily isolated from friends and family. I mean, this really describes narcissistic abuse, but I love how it is labeled under this twin flame delusion, because that's what they make you feel like. You're meant to be. You're heavily isolated from friends and family and the belief that no one will understand our love. And it's only at the narrative of the abuser.

If something is so unique, so understandable, no one else relates, you know, that's just gaslighting. To be honest. And then in the spiritual union, when you have a true soulmate who really takes care of you. You don't want anything extra ordinary? You just want ordinary old, listen, love, hugs, and balance. No emotional highs and lows.

So in a spiritual union partners have healthy interpersonal and energetic boundaries. So, what does that mean? You have healthy boundaries together. You know, you have a life outside of each other. There's little to no in the mash. Mint within the relationship. You have friends. That don't even know each others. You know, they have friends outside of each other's friends, you know, there's nothing intertwined. There's a lot that almost be like, you're independent.

While being with somebody. Partners. They're your, your boundaries are healthy because you can ask for a boundary. Uh, and you say yes, sure. Like let's say when I'm eating, I really just need to like, or after I come home from work, I just really need to take some alone time and go vege and eat dinner. Let's say they want to go off into their own room.

That is a boundary and that's healthy because that's giving them some alone time. Which is different than the narcissist who just completely goes off, starts drinking, you know, doing whatever they're doing, dig, digging into their addictions. That's different than like, okay, this is like, what I need.

And then when they're done, they come and they have conversations with you and they contribute to the house chores. And, you know, you can come back together in a healthy union after filling your cup up in your self care alone time.

The next one here under spiritual union is understanding of your partners flaws. And not feeling the need to fix them or save them, which I think us and pass. Fall for, with the narcissist. They have a lot of flaws that need to be fixing, but then they project them on to us when we try and help them and fix them.

But when you're with a spiritual reunion, Uh, a union, sorry, not reunion. Sometimes it is a reunion life after life. It's a reunion. With that soulmate. You embrace them with their freak flag flying just as they are. You know, no makeup, no need. No. Whatever. No. Hiding how unique you are. That's just you and they love that flaws. And all, sometimes we may still get frustrated with each other as humans.

But in the end, you still love the person. And if we're all working to two-sided street, working to. Come back from our ego fix a bit of our flaws are just always doing the self-improvement on both sides. Then you're good. Right? You're you're fixing yourself. You're not facing each other. Of course you can hold each other accountable. Call, call them out on it.

And even in a healthy spiritual union, you can hear it and still work on it. And the ability to feel grounded and centered with your partner. This is another one too. You can regulate through heavy emotions in their presence. And this I would have to say is key. I have had a lot of ups and way more downs in healing.

From my narcissist or twin flame. While being with my soulmate. And like I said, I highly don't recommend it because it's extremely hard on the relationship. But he has always been that grounding element for me. He's always been the person who's, when I've been upset and felt discarded by other narcissists in my life, he's felt really mad and.

Upset. That I had to experience that. And he's always been that person I could. Ask questions with feel emotionally grounded. And I remember when my grandma passed away, I just. I just had like a meltdown and I was screaming and freaking out. And he just w you know, I was outside. I just, I took myself outside. Cause I was like, I can't have this around my kids that I went outside and went to the garage and.

He just stood there. He was like my anger. While I was. Having a hurricane. And just was able to. See me and hear me, even though he couldn't fix it right. He couldn't fix it. I just, he just had to ride the wave with me. And he, he was able to just ground. Grounded me there so I could get it all out and then be done.

The spiritual union relationship does not consume all of your time and attention. And each of you have your own hobbies and interests outside of each other.

And in a spiritual union partners have healthy friendships and support systems outside of the relationship.

This has been the funnest part about the journey is developing new friendships and relationships outside. Uh, you know, independently on my own. Uh, and it's been really, really fun because I can redevelop different partners and friends, and I'm not isolated anymore. I have a pulse, I have healthy relationships and that's really important to continually be able to grow and just be a social person and thrive in your life and in the world.

So those are the differences between soulmate and then twin flame. And let's just talk over chest briefly about the signs that you may have met your soulmate. Or your twin flame now meeting your soulmate. Can be life changing. If you meet a twin flame, of course, if that is your narcissist, that also is life-changing.

And not always easy. But how do you know you have met them? See what the soulmate, you may feel an instant connection and a sense of comfort or familiarity because it's your soul. Recognizing the other person as knowing them. You may also share similar values and goals. And feel like you can be your truest self around them. Like I said, I use that term freak flag. Like you can be as funky. You don't have to put any masks on, you could just be, you.

Without feeling any judgment. And you can just be your truest self around them. Now with the twin flame, the beginning of that connection is very intense. There's a lot of attention towards it. There's it's passionate. But then as time goes on, it's very challenging and tumultuous. And you may feel like you have known them forever. Yes. Like I, I felt very comfortable with mine at first.

And there is a really deep connection, but ultimately. Whether you have met your soulmate or twin flame, the connection will feel powerful and transformative. And I, yeah, I just would caveat that as the twin flame, just Cummins with a lot more fire, a lot more drama. And of course the narcissist always comes with more drama.

And so it's there. You know, they're there too. Maybe. Instigate a spiritual awakening for you. Maybe they're there to teach you to speak up more. You've been silencing your voice. Maybe they're there to finally wake up into your life's purpose. Your life's calling. You know, there's so many reasons why the, there is like a villain or a devil's advocate put into play in our life. And that main reason I truly believe on a soul level is for you to reach your hero's journey.

Because life conditioning society, the toxic newness in this world on earth has a human. S, you know, as a minority. As someone who doesn't identify in the normal realms of gender or sexuality as someone who also is a woman. Those all of those things really play a huge part of how we dampen our awesome ness, how we dampen our voice, how we, you know, be good, be kind, be sweet.

Or don't reveal who you are. Otherwise you will be ostracized and, you know, judged. And outcast. You know, and not be able to survive all of these things. They are what causes us to hide our light, hide who we are. And then. The twin flame we'll hide it even more because they see us as this beautiful, bright soul, but they also want to take our energy, use it, manipulate our kindness.

And like have us as like a little comfort zone or a toy, or maybe we are like a mother figure to them and we're always enabling them. Like, we're just a comfort. It's a comfortable place to be. And they have a choice too. They can be the hero or villain and a week and be the hero or villain. And depending on, if you believe it's predestined.

They will always be a villain in everyone's story, or if it's just yours and your story. I really feel it could be go goal either way. It doesn't really matter. It's you and your experience right now. And that's all that matters, whether they are. An asshole or. Our narcissist. It doesn't matter what we label them as, as well.

We deserve to be treated properly. So emotional highs and lows is not normal. And so this gives you the opportunity to wake up. And enter into your souls, strength, your soul's passions, your soul's purpose, and why you're here on this earth. So really the challenge is choosing the right type of connection for your personal growth and happiness.

Comes. With understanding. Really much like what you need and what you're worth. It really boils down to that. When you have your own personal growth. Your spiritual practices, your spiritual hygiene. That allows you to say, you know what, this, I don't deserve this anymore. I don't deserve to be treated like this to be talked like this.

I don't deserve this relationship to be so high and so low. Like this is a waste of my time. This is ridiculous. You know, I need someone who is more emotionally mature. So. Always seeking more stable, supportive relationships that allow you to focus on having your own autonomy. Your own freedom, develop your own personal goals and aspirations.

That is what a soulmate is here to hold space for you to do. Whereas the narcissist does not. That is a threat to them. That means that you may look better too than them on the outside. That means that you'll have your own control and autonomy over your choices. On one day, you'll have the power to leave them and that all scares the heck out of the narcissist. And they don't want you to leave.

You're there warm, soft, cause you know, cozy Teddy bear. That they own, they don't ever want that Teddy bear to be stripped away from them. But it's not fair to your Teddy bear to be squeezed so tight and held in a cage. And really ultimately it is your choice. You choose to stay or leave you choose how others treat you.

You choose what to put up with? And you choose what to say or not to say to others. And it's a really important lesson. To listen into your intuition. To follow your inner. Authority understand.

What style your soul has energetically kind of mapped out for you to know that you can trust your intuition in this way. You can trust that. Okay. I'm a sacral inner authority. So I need to ask myself the astronaut question. Do I want to continue down. Five more years, even now, let alone 10, let alone one, five more years of this up and down. If this pattern is never going to change, which it doesn't.

Then you may think that there's hope, but let's just hypothetically say if this pattern of treating me horribly, but then buying me gifts and asking for forgiveness and then treating me horribly. If this cycle continues to perpetuate for the next. Even two years. Is this something that I feel worth experiencing and bearing.

Yes or no.

And I'm sure your gut will say no, but maybe you need to ask yourself a few different ways. You know, Do I deserve to be yelled at yes or no. Doesn't matter what you did do I deserve to be yelled at yes or no? Do I deserve to be. You know, discarded and ignored because of a minor infraction. Yes or no.

I'm sure your gut right now, as a sake role being is saying no, and it's dropping. Absolutely not. And so start using the yes or no prompts. If you have the emotional inner authority start feeling your way through these questions of. How does this relationship make me feel? I feel confused. I feel crazy. I feel like all I do as long for this person.

And this is how you feel, feel through it in your highs. You're like, I really miss, you know, all the fun things we used to do together. I know, and I hope that we can do that again. And the, feel it in the neutral feeling in the low. This relationship sucks. He does this, this and this. He calls me this, this and this. I don't deserve to be here, but I'm also scared to leave. Like all of the emotions feel, feel, feel, and then come up to your middle range after the feeling of the bottom.

And go okay. How do I feel? Is this relationship feel healthy for me to continue in?

And that answer. More than likely if you're dealing with a narcissist after you've felt through it will be a no, actually I feel like it's not. You know, do you feel like there is someone more stable, more grounded, more. Balanced for you out there, maybe you don't because you still believe the lies that the narcissist has told you, but your soul feels that that's a yes.

So really focusing in. On your inner authority. If you're a splenic, boom, you know, right away, you're like, this is wrong. But don't ignore it. Don't let your brain rationalize it away. And then if you have that.

Inner authority that is just takes time. No, no self-reflective or the

is find a counselor, a coach like myself. Or, you know, someone who is educated in narcissism, a therapist who is trauma informed regarding narcissist. And just. Talk it out and then it will be mirrored back to you and reflected back that this is what I need to do.

Yeah. So in conclusion, the soulmate and that's when flames are very different. In my opinion, the twin flame is something you want to avoid. Red flag red flag. And the soulmate is something that is grounded and stable and is here meant to help you. And to take care of you.